How often do you get caught up in a belief that tells you not to do something? A belief you have that stops you or tries to protect you? Perhaps it is one that was created by a pattern of behavior you had as a child. Perhaps it is a belief that was created due to your actual childhood? Perhaps it is a belief that was created by a role model, that you took on? Perhaps it is a belief that was created by life’s experiences?
We all have a belief system, and many times it is focused on keeping us safe. What many of those beliefs may do though is keep us stuck, stagnant, without growth or without real change. We never live our life any better because these beliefs want us to stay exactly as we are, and many times we think that spot is fine. Our life has been fine. Our life is what it is supposed to be, it’s supposed to be hard, right? It is supposed to be about going to work and being with our families and friends and maybe it is about giving back. Where is the fun? Where is the excitement? Where is the adventure? Where is the change? Where is the growth? Where is the passion?
Life is to be lived. How are we truly living our best life if our focus is work, maybe a dinner out or so, maybe a vacation a year? We seem to get caught up in thinking that is all there is to life and our job in it is to stay safe. What has gotten us here is fine, so why change?
Our belief system tends to keep us where we are, keeps us safe. Our mind is very big on reminding us that “you can’t do that.” These beliefs are disempowering. They don’t allow us to stretch and grow, they keep us small. These beliefs keep us safe but keep us the same.
I have been doing a lot of work of late around my beliefs, what ones are disempowering and rule how I move, how I think, what I tend to say yes and not to, etc. For many of us, without spending time on these we wouldn’t even know they are truly disempowering. As an example, I have a few friends who have to control everything. They make every decision in their family because they believe that is their role, and of course, their decision is the right one. They have to control the outcome of everything. They have a belief that if they don’t control the outcome and aren’t “goal” oriented, then things won’t get done. And yes, they get their stuff done, they do what they have had as their plan. However, what could they do if they didn’t try to control the outcome? What would happen if they let go of control and actually followed their heart and not their prescribed plan? What would the outcome be if they made other decisions that are different? The universe may have a better plan, but they will never know it. They have a belief that they know better, that they must control for things to get done and they seem to have a belief around money; never having enough. It may be scary for them to surrender and let go of control, but they may be pleasantly surprised by the lightness of no longer controlling the outcome. Letting things happen and not worrying about the money as much is quite freeing.
I have found that I have a few disempowering beliefs that I am working on changing. One of the disempowering beliefs I have had has been that I had to make a lot of money so I could spend it on others so they would love me. I never believed that people loved me, wanted to be friends with me unless I could do for them. That isn’t why I have been generous, however, when I was retiring and knew my financial space would adjust, I thought I would lose friends because I could no longer all I used to. I wondered if people were only friends with me because I could do things for them. That belief has proven itself false in the 3 1/2 years I have been retired from corporate. I have found that the belief was created probably more out of a need to be loved. My new beliefs around both how I serve others and my ability to be loved have helped me to move forward differently. I no longer believe that I am difficult to love (as a few people have told me) or that I can’t be loved unless I give people things. I believe that I am compassionate and of service to all and I believe that am always becoming a better version of me. These beliefs are empowering. They allow me to move forward in a positive, happy and open way, without constraints around me.
Now when I wonder about my behavior and think about what old disempowering belief is holding me back, I immediately begin to work on what the empowering belief could be. How do I want to feel as I move forward and what do I need to do to grow that way? I focus on the thoughts and feelings that will empower me instead of those that hold me back. I ask myself one question when I get caught up in these cycle of not feeling good enough or holding myself back, “What would SHE do?”
What would my most empowered self do? What would the version I am becoming do?
What would SHE do?