So often in my life, a snowstorm meant maybe a day off of work, but not really. Maybe someone would plow my driveway so I could get my car out and get to the office. Maybe it will warm up so it melts fast. Maybe someone will come get me and take me to their house so I am not alone. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.
Up until my retirement from corporate America, snowstorm meant UGH. Always wishing the weather was different, trying to work because that was what I thought was expected of me, having to get out of the house and get places because doing is more celebrated than being. Long gone was the childlike wonder of “what will this day bring!” Long gone was the excitement of fresh powder and fun in the snow. I had nobody to play in the snow with, I had nothing to do.
There was a time when I loved to ski, I had been skiing since I was 12. Sometime in the mid-90’s I went skiing with my friend Don for the day. We had a great time, and some great runs with me wiping out on the last run of the day, laughing the entire way as I slid into the woods. That was my last time skiing. I made the decision after that that I was tired of being cold and wet. I have realized that I was becoming fearful then, of falling, of being hurt and decided it was time to stop. I wasn’t even 40 yet and was afraid.
Enter a new version of me who doesn’t want to live in fear. Enter a new version of me who loves being as much as doing! Enter a new version of me who loves being present and not worrying about what else could be done. Enter a new version of me who is fine alone and doesn’t need to be with others to enjoy herself. And of course, enter my golden retriever Charlie who loves snow as much as a toddler, showing me that I too can love the snow again.
When a foot of snow fell yesterday I embraced it with gusto! I enjoyed watching the flakes fall and measuring the accumulation as the morning continued. I relished in Charlie’s exuberance and helped Rocky (the little Yorkie who is Charlie’s best friend and our house guest) by shoveling a path at 6am so he could get out to do his business. The two dogs are completely opposite when it comes to snow, Charlie rolls around in it, eats it and finds complete joy running through it. Rocky sinks if there is no path and doesn’t really like the whole getting wet thing (reminding me a bit of me).
I decided to have some fun in the snow yesterday and donned my brand new snowshoes that I received as a gift. Never wearing these before, I set out to see if I would like this mode of transportation through the snow. I had no idea what would happen, would I be able to do this, was I too afraid of falling, was I too uncoordinated? I LOVED IT!!
Feeling the cool wind on my face as I walked through the snow felt awesome. Traveling through the foot of snow without a care around my woods and property was so freeing. I was reminded of all the years of skiing and how much I loved the feeling of the wind and the freedom of shushing down a mountain. I was never a great skier, nor was someone who had to do black diamond runs. In fact I think the only black diamond run I have ever done was in Vail, back in 1982! I was always just happy shushing along in the powder and staying on the fringes so I didn’t get in anyone’s way. I really loved the freedom that I felt on a mountain. I felt that yesterday. Yes, I was on my property just snowshoeing around the yard and the woods, but it felt free. It reminded me of all of those years.
The memories of winter vacations to ski, day trips, trips to the poconos, trips to Colorado flooded back to me. Even the memory of teaching my ex-husband how to ski came back, I laughed at that one. I was teaching him how to snowplow on the mountain and he kept turning and falling, the way Artie Johnson used to fall with the tricycle on Laugh-In (you will need to be in my age group or older to remember that)! He actually took off his skis and through his poles at me, while I laughed the entire time. He laughed as well, it was a fun memory to have yesterday. It also reminded me that not all 16 years together was drudgery. So often we remember only the crappy things, the bad times, the difficult conversations and forget the love and fun that was part of the relationship.
My winter wonderland in my yard, my time playing with the dog, my time snowshoeing reminded me to love and embrace everything as an opportunity to be grateful. Embrace the moment as something wonderful. Be in love with life, moment by moment!