Giving Up….

No, I’m not giving up. I’m happier than I have ever been! I finally decided that happiness wasn’t about what was happening around me or events, or people for that matter. Happiness is only an inside job, and you achieve it when you clean up the relationship with yourself and realize that your self-love is really all that matter. Loving yourself helps you to give yourself what you want and need when you want or need it. Loving yourself helps you to see that others’ opinions are about them not you. Loving yourself allows you to take radical personal responsibility to live the way you want, own your reactions and always strive to be a better version of yourself. Loving yourself means honoring your boundaries, and not being swayed because someone else wants something from you, for you, or with you. Loving yourself means that you feel all the emotions, you don’t suppress shit or do that positivity bypass thing…You know, “I’m fine.” “It’s okay.” even when it isn’t okay and you aren’t fine. It is about you owning you and not thinking others are to blame. Loving yourself means you see what you want to change and then you take steps to change that all the while feeling compassion and empathy for yourself. Not shame, or guilt or self-doubt or self-loathing.

So, what did I give up? I gave up caring what others’ think about me. I gave up grasping and trying to control situations and people. I gave up looking for validation of my worth outside of myself. I gave up doubting myself. I gave up needing; whether that be other people or needing something for me. I desire things, I desire people around me, but I do not need anything outside of me.

Since February 22, 2023, I also chose to give up complaining, bitching and whining. I decided that for Lent (something I do not generally abide by since I am not Christian), I would give up the idea that situations that happen deserve my reaction versus allowing me to pause and respond in a way that raises my energy not drains it. I gave up being angry because someone or something didn’t go the way I had hoped. I gave up judging; especially given I believe that all judgment is self judgment.

Giving up complaining, bitching and whining is not as simple as I thought. For many of us, it is a habit. We do it because we think our way is right and how we see something is how everyone sees that same situation. We do it because our nervous system is used to it, it is familiar to us. We do it because we are triggered or activated and know no other way to react. Yet, once we become really cognizant of it, really aware, we see we do it when it isn’t necessary. We become frustrated and complain when situations are completely out of our control, because we want to control it. We become aggravated when things don’t go the way we expected because we had expectations that weren’t warranted. We become ready to pounce on something because we wanted a different outcome.

The hyper-awareness that I have experienced halfway through these 40 days has been startling, illuminating and at times, glorious. Have there been moments where I started to complain, or did complain, bitch or whine? Yes of course. Have they been often? Not at all. In fact, I recognize it immediately and then laugh and switch up what I’m thinking, saying or feeling. I was driving back from Vermont a few weekends ago and of course, road rage is all around us. I have been the victim of it and the aggressor of it over the years. I am much different now behind the whee. That began when I really started to work on this relationship with me, realizing that my reaction is always about me, nobody makes me feel anything. As I was driving, there were a few instances where an old version of me would have definitely complained or bitched, this version laughed and just kept on driving. I realized then that my ability to interrupt my reaction and respond from a place of love had become my default.

Focusing on not diving into low level energy and energy sucking emotions allows me to be a much better version of me. I don’t get caught up in drama or bullshit like I once did. I woke up this morning knowing there were a few times yesterday I could have gotten caught up in blame, shame, guilt, or not honoring my own boundaries. However, I didn’t allow that to happen. I thought clearly about my desires and what I wanted and followed that. Not allowing myself to feel guilt or shame because I didn’t do what someone else wanted, I followed my heart instead.

I have been using the words “unapologetically me” often of late to describe myself. I am sure there are others out there who think I have always been this way, but I haven’t. I have twisted myself up in all types of machinations to be what I thought people wanted me to be, or expected me to be. I have done things, gone places etc because others wanted me to and because for a long time I thought that was the only way for people to love me. I spent much of my life people pleasing because I always thought I was one incident away from people no longer wanting me in their life. For so long, I thought the only way to feel worthy, belong and be loved was to do what other people wanted of me, not what I wanted. If I didn’t do what someone asked or expected from me, they would no love me or care about me. This feeling was about friendships, family and lovers. It didn’t matter who, I have always felt that my relationships were on very thin ice, ready to crack if I didn’t do what someone wanted. I people-pleased for a long fucking time!

Now, I give up people pleasing along with my complaining, bitching and whining. I feel my emotions and honor my boundaries, take radical personal responsibility and move forward toward the next great version of me. No longer looking back and feeling unworthy. I give up that!

Give up those behaviors that keep you in the disempowering emotions, and amp up the behaviors that empower you! It’s time!