When the word “heal” is used, what do you think about? Some people have shared that they do not understand what needs to be healed, they are fine. “This is who I am, and how I am,” has been said. “I had a great childhood, I have nothing to heal”, I hear. “Things happen, get over it,” is said often. “It was a joke, you are too sensitive,” heard over and over.
Healing our wounds and traumas (big T and little t) is actually fundamental if we want to grow and transform into better and better versions of ourselves, and get back to our purest self. Healing is the first step to understanding our auto-pilot mind, how it actually doesn’t help us thrive just survive and is the step that leads us to awakening. It leads us to understand patterns in our life, and makes us super aware of our judgments and limits that we have placed on ourselves. Healing is freeing, it allows us to finally release the emotions that our stuck in our bodies.
There isn’t blame in our healing. Yes, we may become angry in the midst of our healing because someone hurt us so deeply, whether they meant it or not. That anger is what is hiding in our cells and needs to be released. When it isn’t released, it creates issues for us; whether that be emotional or physical illnesses and diseases. We move through the healing to move forward, not to stay in that place of anger, blame, guilt, shame, etc. That doesn’t mean the relationship with the person we believe hurt us doesn’t change. It can. That is up to us. It can either become better because we release that emotion, or we may see that this person continues to jab us, make statements that are hurtful and we create boundaries around how much of that energy we let in. Boundaries are the best thing we can do for ourselves. It allows us to love people but never more than we love ourselves, it is self-care and self-love at its best.
Recently, I have had the opportunity to really delve into some inner child work to re-parent my little girl and make sure she knows how loved she is today. Often, things done in our childhood have left versions of ourselves frightened, angry, hurt, feeling unloved, etc. By re-parenting and being guided to be with our little version of ourselves, we can release a lot of that hurt, and the patterns that were created out of that hurt. This isn’t about good versus bad childhoods, or good versus bad parents. This is about finding that there are emotions from when we were small that have created some patterns for us because that is how our mind/body works. From the 3rd trimester in the womb to about 8 years old, our not-fully developed brain takes in everything we hear and see like a video-recorder. Our subconscious mind, which drives 95 to 97% of our behavior, takes it all in and creates meaning from it. That drives us during our lifetime without us really understanding it until we delve into ourselves to awaken. That undeveloped brain doesn’t know that something was said as a joke, it just takes it in and then we make it mean something. That child’s brain doesn’t realize that parents fighting about something has nothing to do with the child, the child’s brain thinks it does. These neuro-tags run deep, they can become deeply rooted, so we believe this is just the way I am.
Once we re-parent ourselves and let that child hear what they have needed to hear, our awareness allows us to change the pattern of behavior. I spent much of my life chasing worthiness; chasing being needed and loved; and chasing perfection (which doesn’t exist). I became a people-pleaser in some respects and, diametrically opposed to that, hyper-independent. I was controlling because I thought if I controlled things, then I would get what I wanted, love and worthiness. I gave up what I wanted for others so that they would continue to love me. Becoming aware of these patterns and healing the wounds created when I was young, have enabled me to move to a different version of me. One who knows her worth, understands herself and created boundaries so that the energy I want in, comes in when I want. This version of me no longer cares if someone no longer wants me in their life, that is their journey. This version of me does what she wants first, not in a way that doesn’t give, but I no longer give to the point that I deplete myself. I no longer give to others without ensuring I give to me and care for me. Which allows me to give or not without feeling any shame, guilt or anger.
This version of me knows her worth and knows how fucking awesome she is. She hears the belittling of some, and moves on from it, knowing their comments say more about them than her. This version of me is the best yet, and certainly not the best ever. She is coming.
Healing and then growing and transforming from that place, is the most freeing and loving thing we can do for ourselves. Heal, grow and transform, into a version of you that you unconditionally love fully!