Until we place meaning on it. Yep, nothing means anything until we place meaning on it. Nothing has meaning, we create the meaning. For example, we don’t get a text back right away from someone…we can make it mean they are upset with us, or we may make it mean that something terrible happened to them. Perhaps your child doesn’t do well on a test, we make that mean that they aren’t as smart as we thought, or they will not have as successful a life as we hoped. We make meaning out of everything.
What if we changed that today? For today, nothing means anything. Someone says something to you, don’t read judgment into it, or snarkiness like they are trying to tell you they don’t like something. Let all of that go and let the comment go. It doesn’t mean anything. Once we stop creating meaning that may or may not be real, we lower the stress response in our body. Once we do that, we allow our pre-frontal cortex to be fully used and therefore can discern, use logic and be intentional with our thought. In this case, being intentional would be to say “isn’t interesting that this situation created that feeling for me.” Then we can choose a new thought, or a new action to align with how we want to feel, not how we react. We can take a step in a direction that feels right for us and not what we think someone else wants from us because we made their comment mean something.
I recently had this happen. Once I got through the initial emotion and processed how I was feeling, I let it go. I breathed and asked myself, “what would SHE do?” SHE being my higher version of myself, the person in my vision who I am in the constant state of becoming. SHE would not make it mean something. SHE would look at how she is feeling about the person and whether she needs a direct conversation or truly let it go. SHE realized that the meaning was based on her own feelings about how the relationship has shifted. SHE recognized that she has choices on how she moves forward with both the relationship and some healing she needs to do around envy, jealousy and feeling pushed away.
The reaction to create meaning and make assumptions on what people mean, why they do what they do, etc, is certainly something most of us do daily. It all has to do with us. It also has to do with people not being real. If people had more authentic conversations and didn’t become fake in their relationships, we could remove assumptions. I read a quote recently that said, “People are so used to others being indirect and phony, that clear direct communication appears aggressive.” Think about that. We are so used to people not being real that when someone is, they seem aggressive. I know people react to me that way at times. Even my closest friends I sometimes see bristle at my directness. By the way, I won’t change that. I spent a lifetime hedging around issues, not telling people how I felt for fear they would no longer love me, allowing people to walk all over me without me ever wincing, in fact I think I smiled and said, “give me another!” In my work persona, I was always fairly direct, and that got mixed reviews. There were some who thought I was too direct and others who appreciated it. In my role, I couldn’t be a doormat, so I became someone that was once asked if I chewed nails for breakfast. My response to that was I have to be tough in my role and I cry in my car almost every day. I was so far out of my comfort zone being aggressive, but always felt I had no recourse. I had to be aggressive at home growing up because I was picked on relentlessly, always made to feel I didn’t belong in my family. I had to be aggressive at work because otherwise who would take me seriously?
I adjusted myself over time at work, the more I healed parts of me, the more I became more authentic. I like how direct I can be, leaving little room for misunderstanding. I am not direct with everyone, and I still make things mean stuff. It is a lesson that keeps on giving. When we start to make something mean something, stop yourself. Breathe. Then ask yourself, what if this meant nothing? Which is what I did after the most recent perceived snarky comment I received. After I thought about it and realized I was making it mean something I let it sit with me for a while. I decided that if that person really had an issue, then tell me. Until then, I am not allowing this to mean anything. Then release it however you need. For me, I let out a primal scream and talked myself through it. For others it may mean meditating or standing on the earth and really grounding into it. Whatever it is, allow yourself to get stuff out the way you need and not make things mean anything.
Nothing means anything until we place meaning on it.