“Male violence against women and girls can take many forms, including an unwanted kiss.” This was the first sentence in an article after the president of the Royal Spanish Football Federation, Luis Rubiales, forcibly kissed Jennifer Hermoso on the lips. Arguably the star player of the team, and she was subjected to this behavior. She was quoted as saying “I felt vulnerable and a victim of an impulse-driven, sexist, out of place act without any consent on my part. Simply put, I was not respected.”
For all those who are saying, “it was just a kiss,” or “he was caught up in the moment, ” I recommend you consider if you would feel that way if a woman leader just grabbed your son and kissed him on the lips. I recommend you consider if you would feel that way if Hermoso was your daughter.
This was not just a kiss, and he was not caught up in a moment. He understood his power and privilege and did what he wanted on international TV because he believes nobody will say anything. He is the leader. He is the man.
This is one more example of the toxicity that surrounds women, and that we seem to have to answer for, or defend ourselves. The guy who grabbed my leg and squeezed it to the point of bruising, tried to brush off what he did by saying it was a joke. It wasn’t. I have bruises, I didn’t give consent to touch me.
Let’s finally be honest. Many men out there seem to think that since they were once in power, or they still are, that they can treat women as the second class citizens they are in these mens eyes. And before you jump down my throat and say I am generalizing and that most men don’t behave this way, have some conversations. Although most men that you know may not treat people like this, all of my friends can share a story of men touching them when it was not consented to or wanted. Most women can give you instances when they were disrespected simply because they are a woman, whether it be in the workplace or out. I have been subjected to both touching and nastiness both in work and out of work. I have been everything from propositioned, to being touched, to being kissed, to being pressured, to being threatened when I declined, to being ignored in meetings, to being shut down because I am sharing emotions, to being interrupted and mansplained. I had 2 men, both in power, try to kiss me at various times in my career; one who thought sliding his hand down my back to pat my butt was okay to do at a work event!
As I said in my video yesterday, STOP IT! You don’t get to touch women because you think you can, because nobody has ever stopped you before. You don’t get to touch because you are bigger, and scarier and in power. The guy who squeezed my leg and bruised me was a retired police lieutenant, his behavior actually wasn’t surprising once I heard this. I know, this will also get a rise out of some. I do not back the blue just because they are the police. I do not hate the police either. I know there are good cops out there, there are plenty of others as well. The ones who joined because of power, the ones who are bullies, the ones who terrorize their own wives, we all know they exist. This guy was no different. He thought he was above it all and could touch me at a whim. He didn’t expect that my fury would come down and I would shut him down and turn away. He tried afterwards to put it on me, that it was a joke and in response to my joke. You don’t touch someone! You don’t hurt someone! You don’t wield any power, so stop thinking you do.
Jennifer Hermoso did not deserve to be disrespected and kissed without her consent. That is not okay and he deserves to be fired for it. She deserves a very big apology and at no time does she deserve any victim shaming (which happens too damn often!).
I did not deserve having my leg bruised and squeezed and disrespected.
Men need to learn and be taught that no is no, you never touch someone without their consent and you do not have power over a woman, you are equals. If we can get to a point where equality is actual real, then maybe we have a shot of an entire generation of men who see us that way, therefore not thinking they have power over women. Of course, it is hard to be equals when men can make any decision they want with their body and women cannot. In fact, there are some who would love nothing more than women be back in the day where everything needed husband’s approval. You want a credit card? Your husband needs to sign for you. I now fully understand why my Mom was so hell-bent on having her maiden name on all of her documents. She did not want to lose herself. She didn’t want everything to say Mrs Sam Domenick, she wanted her full name everywhere. She knew (as did my dad) that she was his equal and not his property.
My mom was a staunch feminist and believer in women’s rights. She fought to ensure that I could exist in a world where I didn’t need a man to be successful and create a great life. And she was right and she did great by me. I continue to fight in her honor and my grandmother’s honor, another woman before her time and staunch defender of women’s rights.
Respect includes keeping your hands off of someone else. Respect includes letting someone speak and not talk over them or mansplain. Respect is treating people with kindness, care, compassion, empathy.
Respect.