Beginning the wind down…

The year is beginning to wind down. Holiday decorations and Christmas lights adorn the neighborhood. People attending holiday parties. The Christmas movies and cartoons are playing with gusto on the television. Santa-con has occurred in New York City.  The tree in Rockefeller Center is lit and being adored by thousands. The first snow is blanketing the tri-state area. It is time to begin to take stock in the year and create a vision for 2018. This is a time for reflection and then to dream. Dream big. Dream Bold.

Back in December of 2015, I wrote a blog called, “2015 – The lessons.” This was a pivotal year for me, I was feeling terrific. I had purged material items and weight. I had become my own best friend. I began to open my heart and create a deep and meaningful partnership with a friend. Something deeper than I have ever experienced. It allowed me to open up more and again be safe,  showing my vulnerability. The foundation was set for a wonderful 2016.  I was happy in my life; truly happy. I took stock in that year and built a vision for 2016. You may recall the framework I used; spend time reflecting and writing down your successes, your failures, your lessons and your surprises. This exercise allows you to learn, to feel and to let go. It is a great way to start a year.

 I am just beginning to reflect on 2017. This truly has been one of the most difficult years I have ever endured.  I have been through a lot of loss this year, my response which has been to close my heart. In doing so, I have found solace in my old pattern of food and have gained ½ the weight back from 2015. I am proud of the fact that I realized what was happening and have begun to take control, and also surprised myself that I allowed myself to just stop doing what felt good and mattered to me. I have gone to the gym twice since my mom died, I rarely go out to meet friends, I spend time with dad and by myself more than anything. I have spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry over losing my buddy Ricky in a traumatic fashion. Feeling sorry over the changes at work that caused me to begin to contemplate retirement. Feeling sorry for losing what I thought was going to be a lifelong relationship. Feeling sorry for losing my mom.  

The loss of my mom has rocked me the most. That loss will be with me forever and right now it is right on the surface. It is still raw. The lessons are revealing themselves now and I know will continue to strengthen me, my mom was my strength. We come from a long line of incredibly strong and resilient women.  That is what I draw on each and every day, the strength of my tribe.

Over the next week, I plan to truly take time to understand my big themes for 2017, my successes, my failures, my surprises and my lessons. I hope we all take time to take stock in our year, and set up the new year.  I look forward to sharing all of my learnings as we leap into 2018. I, for one, am excited for the future.