Ahh, the weather is changing, it is cooler outside. The leaves are beginning to change their colors in the northeast and the air is beginning to become crisper. The whispering sound of leaves falling, the breeze kicking them up in a swirl and dropping them in new places; the sound and scenes of autumn.
Autumn represents change. It represents the letting go of what no longer serves and the going inside of ourselves to reflect, heal, grow, expand and become new in the spring. Reflecting on the year to date, this is when actions may change to reach goals and goals may change upon reflection.
For some it is a sad time, the sun isn’t as warm, the outdoor activities begin to fade and the amount of sunlight we get to see begins to dwindle. For some it is a time of fun, football games, and festivals; apple picking and walks on a cool day. However we look at the fall weather we know it will soon be winter and life changes.
Change, it is the hardest thing we do. We, as humans, have difficulty with new ways of being, of shedding the old, of detaching from the familiar. Many times the comment made when change is discussed is, “this is just the way I am; I can’t change.” Or, “I have been this way for a long time, I don’t think I can change.”
We can all change. Like the trees, we can shed the leaves that no longer serve us and grow differently. What do we need to do to change? We need desire, vision, safety and action.
Desire is key to change. We need to want to actually be different. It could be the desire of a goal that allows us to change. It could be a desire to have a different result which means different thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It could be a desire to be the best version of ourselves without really knowing what that looks like. We have to see that where we are will not get us to where we want to be without changing. Sometimes the desire is born out of situations that we difficult, that hurt and that make us realize we don’t want to feel the way we feel anymore. We no longer want to live with so much anxiety, worry, frustration, guilt, blame, etc. We want to feel joy, gratitude, ease, peace, and those feelings seem fleeting at the moment. That creates our desire. Desire, no matter how strong, by itself will not create the change we may seek. We need more.
We need vision. We need to connect to how we want to feel in this next version of ourselves. We need to connect with what we want in that changed behavior, outlook, action. We need to see ourselves in all of our glory as this new version and then work like hell to become that new version of ourselves. The vision has to go beyond what we want, it is about who we want to be, and how that person takes action to achieve all they want to achieve. It is about how many hours a day we want to feel how we want to feel. We usually don’t want to feel anxiety, frustration, aggravation, guilt, or anger, we want to feel love, joy and peace. However, our bodies and minds are so used to feeling all the disempowering feelings that the empowering ones actually put our bodies and minds on notice. Our fight or flight system turns on when we introduce unfamiliar feelings, thoughts, or actions. Fear takes over and we resist the change. Many of us give up at that moment.
This is when giving our bodies and minds safety is key to the change. We have to let our bodies and minds know that there is no saber toothed tiger heading our way, we are just trying to create a new version of ourselves. To give us that safety we need regulate our nervous system. The easiest and best way is to deeply breath for a few minutes and all the while telling ourselves that we are safe, there is nothing to be afraid of, this is for our highest good and we are excited about it. That safety is key to change and the part most don’t know about. In fact, this is what is missed in change or transformation in Corporate America. Many times it is seen as people don’t want to change, they aren’t flexible or adaptable enough. If people in Corporate actually understood the body-mind connection and safety they could transform more quickly. It isn’t about beating people over the head with either “what’s in it for them,” or “change or leave.” It is actually about sharing the desire and vision and providing safety. If more understood this, change and transformation would happen more quickly.
Once we are safe in our bodies, have our vision based on our desire, we need to actually take action to change. It isn’t enough to talk about, or desire it, we must take inspired actions to get to where we want to get. Action and our behavior are what actually begin to move the change needle. More of the same will get us more of the same. This is the same whether we are trying to change something in our work, our personal lives, ourselves. We may recognize our need for control in situations and say that we want to give that up, we just want peace. However, if we don’t go through vision of what that looks like, safety in our minds and bodies so we can move through the resistance our bodies give us and then take inspired action, we will never change. If we want to let go of controlling situations so that we have more time and therefore more peace in our lives, then it becomes incumbent upon us to understand what behaviors we need to change and be open to recognizing when we are controlling something. We need to create the safety necessary to allow others to step up and do what we were doing, in their way, not in our way. That tends to be one of the biggest forms of resistance when we are trying to let go of control, letting someone else do it their way. That means truly letting go of both the control and the outcome.
Change is far from easy for most of us, however it is less about our not wanting to change and more about our biology keeping us the same.
Next time you want to change a behavior, take yourself through these steps:
Focus on how you want to feel, who you want to be in this next version. Use the season to help you let go of what you no longer want in your life, what no longer serves you and begin to reflect on what you want moving forward.
Be that next version and change.