“I forgive but I don’t forget,” was said to me recently as a friend was recounting a story. The statement has been said often and people believe that is what they do, forgive but not forget. As I continue to heal wounds and traumas, understanding the behavior that I want to change, the ways of being that no longer serve who I am becoming, I wonder more about this statement.
When I forgive and not forget, what does that do to me and my forgiveness? Does it release that disempowering emotion that was activated by another’s behavior? Or by keeping the person’s behavior or action in mind, do I continue to feel resentment. This can be tricky. I know that what someone did may have hurt me, something someone said may have hurt me or someone else, and forgiving and forgetting feels as if I will allow them to do it again. That resentment grows, and if we are going to resent this person, we are going to find more things that they do offensive to us, or validating that behavior. This, for me, continues to be like a bug inside of me, every now and again creating a fury that is out of place. This resentment growing inside doesn’t allow me to free myself from the pain, it seems to create more pain.
One of the major tenants of forgiving people, even if they don’t apologize or ask for forgiveness, is that we need the forgiveness for ourselves. We need to be able to let go of and disconnect from the feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt and distrust. This allows us to free ourselves of those low-frequency emotions and bring joy and gratitude back into our life. The more I consider forgiving and not forgetting, the more I believe that those feelings of anger and disappointment will remain inside. The more I decide to let go of the issue, the more I find peace and gratitude inside.
The way I have found to help me forgive and release all of those disempowering emotions is through the Ho’oponopono prayer. Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice that involves learning to heal all things by accepting “Total Responsibility” for everything that surrounds us – confession, repentance, and reconciliation. This means we understand that we are connected to everyone and everything and therefore we accept our responsibility in any situation. This allows us to truly cleanse ourselves and forgive and forget. Release all of that anger, disappointment, resentment and hurt. We also know through this that the individual who may have hurt us, is responsible for whatever they did or said; again we are connected to all.
The prayer is powerful for cleansing one’s body for forgiveness, reflection, repentance, gratitude, and revealed emotions. It is simple, and we repeat it for anywhere from 5 to 10 rounds and see how we feel afterwards. It is 4 steps:
Of course, our continued responsibility here is to also ensure that we don’t let that happen again. Either we have a good conversation with that individual and ensure that they understand how their behavior effected us; or we let it go; or we decide that the person’s energy is no longer welcome in our sphere; or we limit their energy in our sphere.
Using this spiritual practice allows us to shift our energy around the situation, allowing us to truly free ourselves of resentment, anger and disappointment.
Try it, see what you feel after using it. Forgiveness, of others and ourselves allows us to move forward and not rehash the same thing over and over again.