Heart of Gold

It is winter on the east coast and this one is a doozy!  The snow has kept my little sporty Jaguar somewhat grounded on my driveway. With performance tires that will go flat with any pothole, I generally do not take it out much in the winter.  It had not started snowing yet on Saturday and I knew the car needed gas and needed to drive a bit, so I cleaned it off and started the engine.  This engine roars like no other I have owned and I love the sound and the feel of this car. I backed it out of the driveway and went to fill the gas tank.

As I was tootling around my little town and just making my typical Saturday stops Neil Young’s Heart of Gold came on the radio. I have heard a lot of Neil lately, more than I had been or at least more than I had noticed. This began just after a good friend of mine had mentioned that Neil’s voice is one that hasn’t changed much over the years, he still sounded good.  I love the song Heart of Gold, and as I was singing it was thinking about how important that is to me now.  If I ever have the relationship of my life, the twin flame relationship, having a heart of gold is more important to me now than ever.   I am a giver and know I need another giver; I can’t be with another taker. The takers in my life left me depleted, they didn’t help to fill me.

All of this was going through my mind when all of a sudden an error message “CD Error” read across my console in the car and a CD popped out! A purple CD. I didn’t even know I had CDs in the player.  Which CD was it you ask? How about one of the 2 CDs from my wedding 10 years ago! We had double CDs made as our favors, one was our favorite karaoke songs and one was our favorite Love songs. The love song CD popped out! I just laughed out loud!

You know signs mean a lot to me, and this one just hit me hard. I looked up at the sky through the moon roof and just said “love it! Thank you God and Universe!” I put the CD in the double cup holder and just continued home with a smile on my face.

The message seemed so clear. You want the heart of gold, the twin flame, the other part of you. And in order to be ready for that and open for that you need to let go of the past hurts for good and make room to receive. As I look at my vision board for 2015, I am reminded that my mantra for 2015 is “I surrender past patterns and open myself to receive.” And my blocks that I am releasing include “let things go that no longer serve me.”

Well, this was telling me to literally throw the past away. By ejecting the CD without me doing anything, I knew I had to just focus on moving on.  I had to release the past.

Perhaps this ejection was the culmination of a release that really hit a few weeks ago. I hadn’t had a migraine in over 20 years.  Three weeks ago I woke up with a migraine that lasted the weekend!  It was almost as if I hit a brick wall. I needed to just stay in bed, sleep on and off, and not really communicate much. I found myself exhausted, actually drained.

When the migraine was over and I started to feel myself again, I actually realized that I felt really good. I had energy, focused on the positive, and was allowing myself to just relax into the flow of life. Not something I have been good at before. Just letting things unfold. Let the universe guide. I tend to be impatient and push forward. But I really found myself going with the flow of life a bit more.

I am searching for that heart of gold. But now I’m opening myself up so that when it shows up I can receive it.