On June 23, 2019, I wrote a blog called “Life is but a Moment.” It was inspired by the untimely and tragic death of someone 59 years of age. It was an accident that caused his death, and made me question whether we were living our lives or letting our lives dictate what we did. Were we living our passions or waiting for some day to do that?
Yesterday, I was reminded again, not only how short life really is but also how we have no idea what anyone is ever struggling with. A young life, taken way to soon. A young life, taken by suicide, without any warning. I did not know this young man who was preparing to leave for college, but people very close to me did and are in shock. Why would someone take their own life? Were there any warning signals? Why would someone think that is the answer, the way out? Those questions will never be answered, which makes a situation like this so much worse.
In thinking about this tragedy, my own experience with thinking about ending my life was front and center. I wasn’t making this about me, I was trying to understand the mindset that someone may have to actually go through with this final act. I didn’t. I stopped myself and swerved away from a tree and spun out on a road. I saw my mom’s face screaming she couldn’t lose another child and knew I needed to find a different way to deal with the pain I felt. I had coping mechanisms as I was older, in my 40’s. I had healed a lot of wounds but had pulled the scab off the biggest emotional wound which was where the pain was coming from. I knew I could heal it and be ok, I just needed to remind myself of my power. At 18, you have no idea how to heal. You don’t even really understand emotional wounds and how they effect you. At 18, it could feel like it is too hard.
So many of us hide behind a mask so nobody knows what is really going on inside. The big smile, the great personality, the conversations about the future, all a cover for the pain someone may be feeling. Do we ever know what someone is truly feeling? Do we ever know the pain someone is experiencing?
Sometimes sadness envelopes people and chokes them to a point of thinking that they only way to get rid of it is to die. We have heard all too much of this of late. There have been 9 suicides of New York City police officers this year. We have all heard the statistics regarding Veterans and a rate of over 20 suicides a day. And then there is teen suicide which seems to be happening more and more. My heart aches to think of all of these people and the feeling they must have had to go to this point. Knowing the pain I was once in, I truly understand asking yourself the question, “How can I get rid of this pain?” And thinking there is only one way to end it.
There are so many ways to help heal this pain. There is therapy and working with someone who is expert at helping people deal with emotional issues. There are healers in this world who can help. There is always another way to deal with the pain. Getting rid of the stigma around mental health is the first step. We can no longer view mental health as an after thought, we can no longer ostracize people or make them feel less than because they need help. We can no longer make fun of people with mental health issues and we can no longer lump everyone in one bucket and call them crazy. It is not crazy to have wounds that need to be healed. It is not crazy to suffer from depression or anxiety. It is life, it is individuals who are trying to deal with things that just may be too hard for them to deal with. Everyone is different, and we need to be more open and loving and compassionate with people. We need to let people know we are hear for them no matter what. We need support those who finally get whatever help they need. We need to not make it so difficult to get the right treatment.
The sadness that my friends are feeling today is so very heavy. Keep them all in your hearts and know that someone surrounding your life is probably feeling a bit like this. The pain needs to end and they don’t know how to end it. Be a beacon of light in this world and approach everything from a place of compassion. You may help someone without ever knowing it.