The State of Flow…
Abraham-Hicks speaks of the stream of well-being. The stream of well-being flows, we either allow it or resist it, it flows just the same. This idea of well-being always flowing is new to many, as we have learned to focus on our actions and our control of every situation. Many of us believe that the only way to get something is to work really hard to get it, no pain, no gain. Although we must work at some things, perhaps we are working on the wrong things.
Many of my clients today are experiencing burn-out. There is a blur between work and life because so many are working from home. We are working so hard, there is very little down time to not work. Even those looking for work feel they must be doing something every day, working 9- to -5 to find their next 9- to -5. Although there is always work involved in getting to where you want to go, does it need to be so hard? Does it need to be all day? Does it need to be this vision of “no pain, no gain?”
Perhaps we are working on the wrong things. Perhaps we are working against ourselves. Perhaps what we are doing is resisting the stream of well-being that is flowing and fighting it to showcase that WE were able to make this happen. Perhaps we have been working on stuff instead of working on us.
This morning, as I was reading, I was struck by something else Abraham-Hicks stated. The most important work we can do to be in the stream of well-being is to understand the inner blocks that are holding us back. For once we realize those and remove them, change the thought pattern, change the mindset, the stream of well-being flows and we can only flow with it. So often, when I meet with clients, we spend time talking about the outer blocks. I hear things such as, “I don’t have time,” “I don’t have the money,” “I have too many responsibilities to focus on me.” These are the easy blocks. We all know, as an example, that if we want to feel better, getting some exercise does that. Both physically and emotionally, exercise helps us feel better. So put it on your calendar, build into your day. Even someone like me who worked 10 hour days plus had a commute was able to figure out a time to work out. I have a friend who gets up at 4:30 in the morning in order to fit in exercise because of how it makes her feel. We can remove the outer blocks.
The inner blocks are something a bit different, These are patterns of behavior, thoughts and feelings that resist the flow of well-being because they are basically self-sabotaging. These aren’t intentional, many of us do not even realize that we have these inner blocks that hold us back. I was recently speaking with a client who realized that her mindset was part of the issue. However, her focus was so much about what she didn’t have, that I realized I had to work with her to get to where she felt the power to change that to what she did have and how could she attract what she wanted. These inner blocks are the sometimes the things we think of as, “this is who I am.” I no longer believe that. I believe we can change any pattern of thinking, behavior, understanding, perception and even reality. It takes work. It takes a lot of soul searching, a lot of uncovering things that put us there, it takes a lot of heart not mind. And it can be messy. We can want to give up during this part of the work, but it is so rewarding!
If we stay in our logical mind, we will always have these thoughts, and we will never travel to the feelings. We will never make the changes in ourselves that will put us on another path. We have to move to our feelings. We have to move to what our inner wisdom is telling us, our gut, our intuition and not what we have been told, or told ourselves over the years. So many of us are stuck here.
Very often we promote people in a corporate setting based up what they accomplished in the past. We tend to think they will just keep getting it done. We forget that at some point, they may be beyond their current skill set. We believe that what got us to this point, is what will get us to the next pinnacle of success. And often, that is wrong. The tactical leadership skills that got us to one point, are obsolete when we get to a different point in our success. We need more empathic leadership, more strategic, more inspiring, in order to create followership at more senior levels. Life is no different. We use tactical skills to get to a certain level of success in life, and then think that is what will get us to happiness in the next chapter. It isn’t. We actually need to deal with the things that made us so focused before, what fears were driving us? If we want to experience this stream of well-being, we need to uncover the behaviors and thoughts and feelings that resist that stream.
Much of that means moving from our head to our hearts. Much of that means dealing with the inner critic that has been serving us for so long but is now holding us back. Some of the questions that I ask my clients when we are talking about the inner critic are, “is that thought true?”; “What happens when you believe this thought?”; “Who would you be without that thought?” When these questions came up for me around my inner critic of not being lovable, I realized it was holding me back from loving myself. Without that self-love I was never going to attract other’s love. My fear of failure was another inner critic. As I spoke in last week’s blog, the idea of not being able to do something before I even tried it held me back. Now my thinking is, it works or I grow and learn from it. There is no fail. There really is no success either, it just is and I get to grow with each learning.
Sometimes the inner critic work means setting boundaries. It means new behaviors and beliefs. It means changing who we thought we were into who we really are, the person that we may have been afraid to see or be before. The person who doesn’t need to be “in control” of every situation but who allows life to flow more.
What pattern of behavior is holding you back? What thoughts are holding you back? What are using to resist the flow of well-being? That is the true work that helps get to a state of flow.