Turning Back the Clocks….

One week ago we turned back the clocks as we do each November, for reasons that don’t really resonate with many. Now we wake up at 6am and it is light out already and watch the sunset at 4:30pm. We have to wake up very early to catch the start of the day! The good news is that there is always light at the end of this tunnel. We know the clocks will spring forward come March of the following year. And we know that after December 21st, we get a bit more sunlight each and every day. It gives us something to look forward to as well as the knowledge that this is only for a short time. We know it will go back to the time we love.

This past Tuesday, we also turned the clocks back, about 50 to 60 years back. We, as a country, made a decision that a vile man who has cheated on each wife as well as his taxes, has been banned from owning or running a charity in New York because he stole from his own, showed everyone at a rally his skills at giving blow jobs and has demeaned every person who isn’t white, christian and male, is the role model of a president that we want our kids to emulate. That is what we did. As far as I am concerned we have done so much damage to this country with this decision that I cannot be silenced. I will not be quiet, I will not stop. The decision that was made was one that every woman who has been in corporate america has lived. A very qualified woman, who has worked in all 3 branches of the government and has served the American people her entire career lost to an unqualified oligarch who only wants money and power and doesn’t give two shits about you. Many women have been in the same boat. People just don’t like something about you and that is it. He gets to be lawless and cruel and you have to be flawless to have a chance.

In the moments after this election we have already seen taunting by red-hat wearing men toward black women (check out tik tok or You Tube, it is all there). We have already had 6th grade boys walking through the halls telling girls, Your body, My Choice since they heard that from Nick Fuentes (the neo-nazi incel who unfortunately has a lot of followers of his hate on women). There is a decal and a shirt already being sold on Amazon saying Your Body, My Choice. Ah Amazon, where you can buy hate any time you want and it will be delivered in a day!

I am angry. I am hurt. I am bewildered. I am so very disappointed in this country. It does not resemble the country I was brought up to love and I know my dad is rolling over in his grave. He fought fascism and was a feminist. He believed I should have all the opportunities that his sons had and was very proud of my success in life. My ability to own homes on my own, not with a man’s help was a crowning moment with him. My success in my career that allowed me to retire at 56. My street smarts and ability to take care of myself fully. He married a feminist and became one. He would be horrified to see that women will be pushed back to pre-1974 with what is laid out in project 2025, the republican party blueprint of upending our entire government to allow for more tax breaks for the wealthy, a narrowing of power to the President so our country resembles Hungary or Russia and not the rest of the free world. In Putin’s words, “New World Order.”

As a trauma-informed coach and healer, I knew what I needed to do in order to actually function last week. I had to feel all of my feelings. One of the mistakes we make as humans is repressing or suppressing our emotions and hoping that thinking about things will get us through. Our conditioning makes our emotions something to hide, makes people uncomfortable and we think it is wrong to have feelings. How often have you stifled a cry or told someone not to cry? Do you get uncomfortable when someone else cries? How often do you stuff your anger down? How often do you eat, drink, smoke, have sex, gamble, stay ridiculously busy etc instead of feeling your feelings? It is unfortunately what we have all been taught.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday of last week really focused on feeling my feelings. I cried, a lot. I let out primal screams (in my car so I didn’t scare anyone). I punched pillows. I played pickle ball. I walked at the beach a lot. I meditated often. I journaled. I took epsom salt baths. I stayed away from people as much as possible.

The anger and disappoint are still there under the surface and I will continue to find ways to release them, and regulate my nervous system more consistently so I can gain clarity for my next steps. This did ignite something inside of me that I will not allow to be squelched. I have always been a passive activist. I have donated to causes, donated directly to different campaigns around the country. I have always stood up to bullies and fought for equality for women, people of color and members of the LGBTQ+ community. But, now it is different.

Now, I will be an active activist. I will speak my mind more freely, no longer worrying if people around me support me. I was a people pleaser for much of my life and that meant I held back from doing certain things or being involved in some things because some people around me may not be happy about it. I needed their love and validation and doing what they said was how I got it. I no longer worry about that, I no longer need that outside validation and acceptance to be happy, to feel good. I know my intentions are pure and I approve of me, I don’t need anyone else’s approval. And you own your reaction, I don’t.

Back in 2020, I wanted to attend some Black Lives Matter marches in Asbury Park, I was asked not to and decided to stay home. I won’t do that this time. I will be at the women’s march in January. I have already joined 2 organizations and will be more involved with Planned Parenthood and other women centric organizations. I will not let people drag women back to the days where you couldn’t get a divorce easily and had to stay in abusive marriages. I will not let people drag women back to the days of constant sexual harassment. I will not let people drag women back to where they had to breed and stay in the kitchen instead having a choice to when or if they want a family; and what career they want. I will not let people dictate what a family is or who can marry who. If people want to get married, let them marry whoever they want! I will not let people do away with public education without a fight. I will not let people degrade anyone going forward. I have 2 special needs nieces and to think that a man who made fun of someone with CP is in office is horrifying to me. I am so afraid of how they will be treated. I already see people not know how to just be kind and nice, now they have a role model that says, “go ahead and make fun, you still can become president!”

Perhaps this dark time, with the potential of the clocks being rolled back 50 to 60 years is necessary to ignite the fight in many of us. My healing community speaks about a raising of the collective consciousness that should be happening now. I look around and see less compassion, less empathy, less love and less kindness and question that raising of consciousness. Perhaps we needed this gut punch to realize that hate can’t drive out hate, only love can (thank you MLKjr). Perhaps we needed the fear of the clocks turning back to spring into more action than we have ever done before.

I’m angry as hell and I am going to do something about it.

I will not let us turn the clocks back.