Why Isn’t It Ever A Fallen Man?

Promiscuous. Sex out of wedlock. Sex worker. Fallen. Don’t marry her. How many lovers has she had? She isn’t pure. Stay away from that type of woman.

Hmmm, notice a trend there? It is always about the woman. The woman is fallen, the man is experienced. A woman is promiscuous, a man has needs. A woman should wear a chastity belt, a man has to show his manliness through conquering the woman. A woman needs to watch what she wears so she doesn’t tempt the man, the man is not responsible, she should have said no.

These comments can go on and on. It is always the woman. And this is far from new. This has been hundreds of years of women seen as impure and not worthy if they let their desires come first. Why isn’t the man ever seen as a fallen man? Why isn’t a man who has sex out of wedlock not seen as fallen? Why isn’t a man concerned about what he wears? How he acts?

It will never be a fallen man, when the patriarchy created the rules of the game and the game itself. As long as a woman is seen as an object of desire and not an equal partner, it will never be about the man. As long as the woman is considered the weaker sex, it will never be about the man. As long as we allow it to continue, it will never be about the man.

Yesterday, I had the great fortune to see La Traviata at the Met. It was wonderful! The music, the voices, the set, the story all grabbed you. It is a story many of us know and in some cases (as my one friend stated) we could have written the script. It is the story of a “fallen woman” who falls in love, only to have her lover’s father convince her she is not good enough for him, she is not worthy of the son. As I thought about this story, I kept coming back to the parallels of life. Woman are always seen as the one who must stay pure, who cannot behave in a way that would make her seem, I don’t know, human maybe.

We have beating hearts and hormones as well. We have desires as well. We have conformed to the premise that for a woman it is a fall from grace and reputation to give into her desires, the man is a virile man if he does. We have also conformed to a premise that a man’s career is more important, a man is the king of his castle.

I was not raised that way. My parents were definitely equals, my mom worked full time once I was in high school, although she never had the career she wanted. Her focus with me was to be independent, especially in terms of not being dependent on a man. My career was important. My planning on what I wanted out of life was important.

I know my blog is not going to change all of these centuries of seeing woman this way, my hope is always that it sparks a thought or two. As we stand on the precipice of a potential nationwide ban on abortion, we should be asking, why is it the woman who is being targeted? Why is it the woman who is being criminalized? Why isn’t the man responsible being criminalized? Why aren’t we trying to regulate a man’s healthcare and not the woman’s? The man can impregnate every woman he is with, a woman cannot. The man doesn’t seem to hear the word no, the woman is slandered because of what she wore. Young girls are being sent home from school because they may be dressed in a way that makes the boys lose their focus. That should not be the girls responsibility.

I am, very obviously, pro-choice. I don’t believe anyone has a right to tell someone what to do with their body. But if we are going to do so, how about we tell the boys and men what to do with their bodies. How about if we start to treat young men who have had sex with the same venom and slander that we treat women? In high school, the girls are considered sluts if they have had sex. The boys are “now a man!” and celebrated! Why can’t we change this idea of fallen?

Why isn’t it ever a fallen man?