“Excuse me,” I said, as I ducked away after reaching next to him for crackers. “No problem, I could reach right over you!”, his retort. I laughed and shared, “yes, that happens a lot when you are 5’1”! He looked right at me. “That’s all, 5’1″? Your presence is like 6 feet!” I stopped and turned with a smile, “I will take that as a compliment!” I said. He replied, “as you should.” I felt 6 feet tall for the rest of the day!
I was so appreciative of the comment and it really made me pause. This complete stranger, not even someone I have seen in the store before, felt and saw my presence as much larger than me. What is that about? I was once told that my aura, which I don’t generally see on people but very often can feel, was at least 2 to 3 feet around me. Perhaps that is what he felt? Was he that susceptible to energy that he could feel my energy field? Perhaps. Or was it physical, as I stand straighter and carry myself with more confidence today than ever? Whatever it was that he felt, by telling me, he made me feel even larger in presence and I have felt even more confident since.
Unlike if your friend or lover said this to you, comments like this, so out of the blue by a complete stranger, have a way of making you believe in what they have told you. If any of my friends ever said this to me I would tell them they are crazy and I would move on. I am not sure I would have even taken it as a compliment. Hearing it from someone who was just making a joke about reaching over me made it more believable. It has also made me spend time thinking about presence and energy and how others have made me feel, and how I have made them feel.
I remember a time when my ex-husband described to me the first night we met. We were together a while when we reminisced about the group blind date we went on and how easily we connected, how it felt as if we had met before. He told me that when I first walked into the bar he saw a light all around me. I was telling that to a friend of mine, of course from the standpoint of “look at how great he is,” and she told me she has always seen that glow, that my energy is felt by everyone. I didn’t believe her. I thought she was just patronizing me, because at that time I didn’t feel it. This was when I didn’t love who I was, I didn’t see me the way others may. I didn’t know it was because I didn’t love me, but I figured that out a few laters when I hit rock bottom and admitted my years of depression.
Now out of the blue this stranger has made me think about my energy field, my presence and my confidence. As I thought about all of this I realized that I transformed all of those old thoughts about being small, not being good enough, not being lovable. I do love me, all of me. I embrace those things that I once hated about myself. I do mean hate. I hated my temper. It used to get me in trouble, at work, with every man I have ever loved, even with my family. I would be triggered and say things that were mean, biting, to defend myself. I would place blame and I would become the victim, woe is me. I vacillated between anger, blame and self pity. Now, I embrace this in me. I don’t like when I get triggered and mouth off, and I work at not doing it. I also don’t beat myself up if it happens. I think about what caused it and work at how I could react differently, but I don’t take that one reaction and make it the only part of me. I don’t dwell on the negative, I work to think about how I can shift that the next time I’m triggered. My first internal question usually is, “how can come at this from a place of understanding and compassion.” Does it always work? Hell no. But I no longer then make me a terrible person not deserving of love and affection because I have a temper. I no longer beat myself up. I still love me, with the anger, with the mouth.
Perhaps all of that self love is shining through more, perhaps the calmness and lack of judgment is showing up physically or in my energy field. This little 5’1″ woman is showing up with love in her heart, and confidence in her stride. I am fully in alignment with who I am meant to be, and no longer stressing about bullshit. Perhaps that is what he felt.
All I know, I stand straighter since he said these words to me. I know I am full of love and let that seep through whenever I can. I embrace all of me, and for that perhaps I am 6 feet tall now!