Huh? An emotional addiction? What the heck is that? When we think of addictions, we tend to think about external things such as drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling. Addiction is really anything you continue to do that has adverse consequences.
Our emotional addictions are the go-to emotions or feelings that we spend the most time in. Very often they were taught at an early age and then adapted over time. If you are the oldest child, you may have had responsibility for others in your family so you may have picked up being controlling and live a very pressurized existence. If you household growing up seemed scary then you may have picked up anxiety as a way to protect yourself. If you were pushed to learn a lot of every day things so that you would be independent, then you probably picked up hyper-independence and impatience.
Your mind sees these emotions as familiar so any situation that can activate these emotions make our minds happy. This then connects to our bodies and we will feel a sense of being jacked up. We will then think, “this is familiar, this is how I always feel, I’m good under pressure, that is how I get things done.” Or perhaps it is “this is familiar, I need to control and I can’t, so I am frustrated.” Our emotional addictions keep us the same, keep us from growing and over time, make us believe that this is who we are and we cannot change.
Like an addiction, we can certainly break the habit. It always takes will and choice along with practice. Ultimately we want to get to a place where we are so aware of what emotion we are in, what thought we are in, what behavior we just engaged in and all without judgement. Then we can say, “wait, I want to feel differently so I need to think differently.”
Like any addiction, this is not easy. We have made these emotions and feelings and thoughts so familiar to us that our bodies and minds don’t want to let go. For years, I called myself a perfectionist. That was really because my emotional addiction of self-doubt would creep in and that would cause me to take too long to do something or I would have to ensure that it was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING PERFECT. Which doesn’t exist. My self-doubt and frustration that came from that were emotions that I was so addicted to, I am not good enough could have been a mantra for years. I would compare myself to others and never think I measured up. I would work so hard, over achiever, and work on vacation, never take full time off, work 60 hours a week because I thought working harder than everyone would get me to a place of confidence and results. All it did was make me tired and create an expectation that Suzy could do it, Suzy will cancel her vacation to get this done, etc. My body and mind were addicted to the anger, frustration and doubt that came with this need to be perfect. I had to break this addiction.
Breaking the emotional addictions takes a lot of work and a lot of non-judgmental observation of self. I have described in other blogs about the guiding life feelings that I choose to use to enhance my life and give me a lens by which to experience life. They were born out of observation of the addictions I had. I want to be in a state of joy, gratitude and flow, not anger, frustration and doubt. To do this it means observing every action, and being curious about it. It means not judging when I find myself frustrated but asking myself “isn’t that interesting that I am feeling frustrated right now, what is that about?” “What is happening around me and in me to feel that way.”
Once you begin to notice and then shift your thought to “how do I want to feel,” and then embody that emotional state of being, your energy shifts. Your actions and how you show up shift. You begin to move from these negative emotions to more positive, higher frequency emotions. From that higher frequency you attract better, you action better, you are happier and you are aligned better. When that all happens, life gets easier, less hustle and grind and more space to create.
Emotional Addictions hold us back from being the fullest expression of who we are and hold us back from our greatest dreams. The better we get at figuring out what those may be and then shifting them, the better life results we have, the more joy we experience, etc. We are all used to being in certain states of being, our bodies want to stay there. The mind and body doesn’t want the familiar to become unfamiliar and the unfamiliar to become familiar. It takes training and consistency, awareness and action to do so. Once you do, you will live a life that is less heavy, less negative.
What are your emotional addictions? What emotions do you find you are in more than you would like?