Make room for success…

“Make room for success. Get rid of 5 things you no longer need.” Marianne Williamson

I gave this quote some thought. How would getting rid of 5 things really help you make room for success in your life? Which measly 5 things would actually do that for me? Now I know I am successful in terms of my career. I have a successful human resources career. I am successful in how I have managed my money, although some days I know I spend way more than I should! So what is it I’m trying to be successful in and then what 5 things need to be removed to do so.

I could get ridiculous and talk about being successful in terms of organization. Well, those who know me know I’m not always as organized as I could be. So I could get rid of paperwork that I hang on to or I could get rid of old stuff (and it is stuff!) in my basement! Then I could be much more organized and tidy. But is that really what this quote is driving me toward? A cleaner neater basement and office!? I don’t think so.

So I started to think about what is getting in my way to be successful in all parts of my life and then what do I need to get rid of in order to break through those obstacles.

I haven’t been successful in my love life. I usually fall too quickly and I fall for the wrong people. Because of all the hurt I have endured, I don’t put myself out there much anymore.  One date in four years does not make a successful love life. There is a wall I have up and even I am not sure how to break it down.  I have tried some of the online dating sites and boy I cannot stand them! It is so superficial, focused on pictures, focused on a few facts and who knows if the facts are true! I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself given my issues with my body so I just don’t try so hard.  Then there is the fear that whoever I meet will be similar to my ex, focused on what I can do for them versus being my equal. And I am fearful that the fact that I am divorced twice is like a blinking light over my head saying “stay away, she sucks at this stuff!”

Hmmm, as I ponder this, perhaps there are a few things I can get rid of here to be successful in this part of my life.

• Negative Self Talk. Certainly this is something that we all need to get rid of. Why do we speak to ourselves in a way we wouldn’t speak to others? I know I sure do. I tell myself, “you can’t”, “you won’t”. I talk myself out of things before I even try. I realized with the help of my life coach this week that my automatic starting position when I am hurt in any way is “what is wrong with me?” Not sure exactly where that comes from but I know I don’t want this anymore, and I don’t need it anymore. If I am going to be successful, I need to get rid of this self- fulfilling prophecy.

• Judgements. Oh we all think we do not judge. I try very hard not to judge anyone, but since I judge me, I know I must project those judgements onto others. I work hard at this. Of course, if I stop the negative self- talk then the judgements would probably no longer exist. I need to get rid of my judgements, on me and others.

• Fear of Letting Someone Down. This goes back to not wanting to disappoint my parents when I was younger. I never liked to see disappointment in their eyes. And I did a few times, which affected me greatly. Now I don’t like to let anyone down, which is why I don’t say no enough. I don’t care for me as much as I try to care for others. I need to focus on my acceptance and not the acceptance of others. I don’t want to let me down anymore.

• Fear of Failure. We have talked about this throughout this blog. I have a tremendous fear of failure which I react to by not taking the risk I could take, not taking the step I should take. I have to have more confidence in what I can do instead of assuming what I cannot.

• Lack of Trust. I have a lot of trouble trusting. My trust has been so broken, you would think I would never trust again. Now what is interesting about me is that I usually start out trusting someone more than most but it takes an awful lot to get to that place where I trust implicitly, where I know the other person would never hurt me no matter what. I trust very few people that way. I have to gain trust in others and assume positive intent the way I want that assumed about me.

Well, these are certainly five things I can get rid of in order to be successful in my love life and in any other relationship.  In fact, to be happy and truly successful in life, these things need to be gone.

As I continue to work on me and reach deeper into my soul to heal,  I will continue to find things that I need to get rid of in order to make room for success. I need to face them and then let them go.