Comfort Food?

Five weeks ago I decided it was time to change some of my eating habits. I was stuck weight wise and nothing was helping. I knew I was relying heavily on a lot of processed foods and decided to make a change and cutout the junk! So I have been eating clean for five weeks. Now, my version of clean is not the normal version of clean eating. I drink caffeine, I still have some alcohol (I do save that for the weekends!) and I will eat a Wasa Crisp Bread or other type of cracker like that most days. However, I have cut all the pasta, regular bread, and especially those 100 calorie anything bags that sustained me and probably caused me to gain weight not lose! I would say I am about 85% to 90% clean over these weeks. Fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, nuts, no cheese, no bread, no pasta….I am really enjoying it!

This diet clean out was just what I needed. Five weeks later and I have lost 16 pounds and feel really great. My joints, especially my knee, feel good. I am beginning to run again after hurting that knee almost 2 years ago. Granted I have never been a real runner, but I did finally compete in my first 5k and ran almost all of it! Now I’m excited because I ran 1 mile without stopping last week. Then walked and ran for another mile. That made me realize that this food has been clogging a lot in my body. I am no longer bloated, no longer retaining water. This clean eating was allowing my body to get back to normal without preservatives and fake food.

I was sharing all of this with my happiness advocate and guru, Gina, today and she asked a simple question. “How are you feeling emotionally?” I immediately felt a lump in my throat and a tear found itself rolling down my cheek. I responded to her that I had noticed over the last week or so that I was a bit more emotional. I seemed to be over sensitive. I had been on the phone with my niece the other day and started to cry as I shared a perspective with her that really resonated with me. She also began to cry and we both realized that we needed more of each other, that would help us fill a void. I was oversensitive at work, caring how others see me and wondering if I was being too emotional. I debated my reaction at a meeting with a colleague, as I felt I was emotional, he did not. It got to the point where I put the wall up, I stopped talking to that colleague about how I behaved.

Gina shared with me that the food had been comfort for me and with that gone, I am allowing myself to feel deeply, and feel things that have been buried and comforted by this food. I am open and vulnerable. I do feel energy and energetic shifts which is why I was beginning to question why I was emotional, I knew there was a shift there. What was all of this coming up? What had I buried under food and now am allowing to come out?

I think we all tell ourselves stories about issues around us, situations and people. As you know a big story for me has been the “I’m not worthy” story. What I am really realizing is that most damaging story and the one everything seems to come back to is that I am not a priority to anyone, I am not important. This is what is coming out as I clean out my diet thus clean out my emotional closet!

I have a wall around me. I generally don’t let people in as deeply as they think. They believe they are in because I disclose things about me, but I don’t share these deep thoughts. I don’t generally tell people I don’t think I am worthy, or a priority to anyone. I do a lot on the surface because I am afraid to let people in especially men.

What I found was that this was all coming together as negative dark energy in my body and I need to cleanse me as much as possible. Similar to the change in the diet to a cleaner diet, I need to clean out my emotional baggage and release this negative energy!

I worked today to clean out some of this energy and felt great afterwards. Clearing emotional and spiritual blockages is just as important as the clearing the physical blockages. So by my diet change I am clearing blockages, and making way for a new body, a new feeling. Same with the emotional cleaning. In doing so we created an intention that I wanted to share.

“I have the power to clear out these stories and negative energy to open myself and my heart and soul to love”

What a wonderful by product of my changes in eating! I get to deal with this negative energy once and for all. Breaking through this wall will be extraordinary for me, I can feel it!