Freebird

“I’m gonna fly high, Freebird!”~Lynyrd Skynyrd

 

 

First full week of 2016 is complete. I woke up this morning after a long week at work and felt refreshed. Of course Advil PM can work wonders on an exhausted Suzy! I was in bed by 9pm and asleep by about 9:30 after a 20 minute meditation. That was the second night in a row I did that and I am realizing that a practice of meditation on a daily basis really does wonders for my mind, body and soul.

I had a manicure and pedicure scheduled for 10:15am so I decided to go to the gym to kick start my day. Music is almost always on in my car, I am not much of a talk radio person. I am a classic rocker as well so that is usually the station of choice. As I drove out of my street, one of my favorite classics came on, Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This is a song I have always loved, rocked out to, thought of as a bit of a mantra and dedicated to a young man at college who I loved and who died way too young. It is a song that I can air guitar with quite well and have many many times with friends.

I sing loud and proud in my car, where no one can hear me and where I can truly lose myself in the music and lyrics of great music. As I was singing one of the chorus’, “I can’t change…oh lord, I can’t change” my mind jumped to, “yes I can and I have!” Then came, “I want to fly high Freebird” and I realized I was flying high! At that moment some things became crystal clear for me.

For years I thought I was shackled to my past, and I couldn’t change that. I was a product of bad decisions, hurt, self loathing, and everything else negative I could possibly conjure up. That entire focus on not being good enough, not worthy was weighing me down. I never thought I could get out of that negativity, that mindset. I never thought I could change.

But I have. I have released so much of my past, my guilt. I have re-built my relationship with myself and see myself more positively, with much more love. That’s not to say I falter from time to time. This week was a perfect example. I had some issues coming to a head at work and began to feel defeated, as if I haven’t done enough to fix things, to impact the organization positively. I took ownership for all the ills, falling on my sword and others’ swords. Nobody was blaming me, I was doing this all on my own. 

And I should not have been feeling that way. I am not responsible for all of the ills or issues, I cannot fix everything. This lesson comes through personally and professionally a lot. This time it was clear to me and to a friend of mine, who decided I needed a pep talk. And it was given. I released this feeling much more quickly than I used to, I have changed.

I am no longer that person who is self loathing. I am no longer that person who is focused on my past hurts. I am no longer allowing worthiness to weigh me down. I have released the shackles of my past, not allowing them to hold me back any longer.

I have changed. I’m as free as a bird now, I’m going to fly high!