Heartbroken

Heartbroken. How can an attack like this or these occur? Sad and frightened. Is it safe to go anywhere anymore? Today is such a sad day for the world, for humanity.

Before yesterday I was realizing that I was becoming less and less comfortable out at venues with large numbers of people. I was always the big concert, big sports venue fan. I am an extrovert; I get my energy from people, places and things. I don’t mind crowds I am energized very often by crowds. Now, as I am getting older, I am finding that I am able to recharge alone as well. I like being introspective, and in nature alone. I like my time by myself without crowds. But I still liked crowds until the world began to go mad. Then those crowds became less energizing and more frightening or draining.

The first time I noticed it was after the movie theatre attack in Colorado. I found that going to the movies was not at the top of my entertainment list. I went less, I went more during the day and I didn’t go alone.  I thought it was just about movie theatres, but I am realizing that it is more than that. I go to less large concerts, and less sporting events. I am not as comfortable at live theatre as I once was and I am finding that I look at everyone with a little more suspect and little less openness.  I am no longer feeling safe.

I don’t like this feeling at all. I have never been afraid to go anywhere.  Now, with yesterday’s attacks, even restaurants don’t feel as safe as they once were. Life has just changed again. I am watching the news and I am reading about these attacks and feeling helpless. Similar to the 9/11 attacks, when helpless and fear were all I could feel. These same feelings are with me again.

I know that fear is something to be overcome. That I must go out and live my life otherwise these extremists and crazies will have won.  Like every other fear, I must put one foot in front of the other and move forward. I need to push through the fear and step outside. I must go out into the world and face my fears.

We cannot let this world become a place where we live in our proverbial bubbles. We must interact and live. I, for one, know I need to not let this fear paralyze me but need to face it head on. Go to a movie. Go to a restaurant.  I need to love those around me and be kind so that this world becomes kinder. Only love conquers ugly hate.  Only love can win.

Be love. Be kind.  And keep France and all humanity in your prayers.