Itty Bitty Shitty Committee
What is the itty bitty shitty committee? It is the committee that lives in our head and tells us how we aren’t good enough? It judges and criticizes everything we do? It judges others, and tells us we are as bad. Every judgement of someone is a reflection of our own thinking about us. When we judge others, we judge ourselves. When we judge ourselves we are reacting to years of conditioning. Belief systems created through situations, other’s opinions, what has been rewarded and punished in the past. Our mind tells us how we don’t measure up and we believe it…we believe the itty bitty shitty committee.
My committee was on high alert this weekend. It was reminding me of my age, telling me how bad I looked, it was beating me up! I was reviewing a video for an event. I was speaking on this video and at first I was okay watching it. Then I started thinking how old I looked, “those lines, those wrinkles,” passed through my mind fairly quickly. I tried to say something nice to myself, such as “love that voice,” or “doing well without a teleprompter.” Then I heard loud and clear, “you look like you have aged.” I was focused on my face when all of a sudden I moved out from behind the podium and I saw my body being hugged by the blue dress I thought looked really nice on me. I saw my belly sticking out and my saddlebag hips and I was dumbfounded. Immediately, the itty bitty shitty committee started telling me how fat I was and how I never stick with anything. My mind was ridiculing me and reminding me that this is why I don’t date, nobody wants a fat 60 year old anyway, and I’m embarrassed to have someone touch this body. These thoughts are flooding me as I watch this video.
I stopped the video, sat back in my chair and thought, “wow, you just let your mind take you down such a terrible path of self judgement and criticism.”
Our mind does this to us all of the time. It uses all this information it has to keep us safe, to keep everything familiar. So those stories just keep on keeping on. I didn’t want that though. I wanted to be able to watch the video being proud of my performance and being happy for the organization. I started thinking about how I would coach someone who was sharing all of this with me. Who do they want to be? How do they want to feel? What would that person who they want to be, their higher self, what would she tell them as she watched the video? As I sat there I realized that my higher self is non-judgmental, and very accepting of who I am. My higher self knows I am a work in progress. I started to think about what my higher self would be saying to herself watching the video. “Your voice sounds great.” “You are really speaking from your heart.” “That blue looks great on you.” “Some of what you have said is really funny, you are doing a great job as an MC.” “Your smile lights up the stage.” “Love your opening and closing.”
All of a sudden, it dawned on me that nothing my higher self said had to do with my weight and my wrinkles. Nothing. For some reason it is harder to get to the laughing, loving, heartfelt committee. My mind simply went negative and made me feel crappy about myself. I had to fight myself to get to this place where I could re-watch from a place of love and not fear, from a place of compassion and not negativity, from a place of joy and gratitude and not scarcity and judgment. Whenever you feel that itty bitty shitty committee coming alive in your body really focus on your higher self and what he/she would say to you! Don’t let that negative nelly live in your head.
Itty bitty shitty committee can be squelched if we are conscious about it being there and ruling our mind. The best thing we can all do for ourselves is let go of that darn committee and move on enjoying the laughing loving, heartfelt committee. Each time my mind gives me shit, I become more conscious and aware. I allow myself to love me.