“People treat you exactly how they feel about you. Be blind if you want to.” ~ Unknown
As human beings, we have all felt when someone really cares about us, loves us, wants the best for us. That doesn’t come from words per se, it comes from the actions and behaviors that are directed toward us. It isn’t just when someone says, “I love you”(which in itself is great to hear!), it is when they show you they love you. In big ways and in small ways, we can feel that love. One of the best examples of someone loving me in action was when my brother passed away. One friend was at my house with a suitcase by the time I got home. Her words, “I’m moving it so you don’t go through this alone.” That action, in it of itself, showed me the love she had for me. By the same token, as human beings we can feel when someone really doesn’t like us, doesn’t care about us and isn’t good for us. The words are sometimes straight forward and sometimes very subtle, but we feel it just the same. We can see actions that aren’t in our best interests or aren’t loving; that could be simple things like never getting back to you after you text or call, or it is the way a wayward forced hug feels, or not including you in things you were once were.
These more overt ways to show someone we care or not are generally not the ones that blind us. These are the ones we see, we feel and we react to very often. We may react by trying to have a conversation to understand why they are treating us that way. Of course, most people aren’t honest. They will tell you that it is your imagination, they are just busy, they are just consumed with what is happening in their life and of course, are sorry you feel that way. They say we will make plans to get together. They may even say they love you. All bullshit, but many of us are starved for those relationships, afraid to let them go so we hang on. We believe their bullshit. We believe that people are too busy to return a text message. We believe that people are just in a place where they can’t reach out.
If we have our eyes wide open (along with our heart), we see it is bullshit. Who cannot respond to a text? You can do it as you drive through your car, or talk to text; you can do it quickly as you go to sleep; you can do it as you are sitting on your couch; you can text from the toilet bowl. There is no excuse to not responding to a text except we don’t want to. Yes, it may take a day or two, but nobody is too busy not to return a text. A phone call may be different in that it requires having the time to talk, but again, there is always some time (even 10 minutes) to talk. They are all excuses. Of course, we all have great friends and people who love us who may not call or respond very well or often, but we know that. We know they care as well, we aren’t questioning how they feel. It is the people whose actions and words don’t always line up who we should be “eyes wide o
Too often we cling and grasp onto the people who are treating us exactly the way they feel and we aren’t seeing it. We are making excuses along with their excuses. We are continuing to try to keep a relationship that is one-sided. We are the ones working hard on either getting them to change how they feel about us, or changing our reaction; both difficult, the latter the only one we really control. If we had our eyes wide open maybe we would get it, but neediness is so hard to eliminate. Many of us don’t want to admit, to ourselves, that we are grasping or needy. We focus on the love we feel, how we want whatever that relationship was, back again. We may not even be able to explain why we care about that person except we are afraid of losing, afraid of being abandoned. It is a wound that needs healing.
Sometimes the words and actions seem okay but there is something different. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we can also feel the energy of when someone loves/cares about you and when they do not. If we pay attention, we can feel shifts in energy. This can come first, before any actions. That energy could be in the words used in a text, the difference in the message, or physical energy such as a change in a hug, a change in the energetic pull. It can go from attraction to repulsion and we can feel that change if we are not blind to it. Again, we may make excuses or listen and try to believe their excuses. I remember my ex-husband’s comments, when I told him it felt as if he was holding me differently, was everything okay? His response was about me, telling me that he knew I was uncomfortable about the weight I had gained and he didn’t want to make me feel worse by touching my fat. I believed that bullshit! I thought it made sense and immediately felt even worse about myself. I also made the assumption that my weight gain had made him not love me the same way. When I mentioned “energy” he reminded me that I was crazy. That is a term that has been used about me more than once in my life. I now realize, that isn’t the case, I feel things very deeply. I sense change. I feel energy shifts. I am sensitive to what someone else’s energy is telling me. I am different than most around me and I am finally okay with that.
Recognizing that how someone feels about you is written all over how they act, behave and treat you when it is overt. Having our eyes wide open to when it is subtle and energetic takes patience and focusing on how you feel around them and with them. Walking away, not grasping, not needing allows you to grow, to heal. Staying around someone who treats you in a way that lessens you will keep you right where you are. Let’s all have our eyes wide open. Let go of those people who try to lessen you and your growth. Hold onto and celebrate those who treat you in a way that you feel loved, supported, and cared for.