So, here we are. We have reached the age of 60. As I shared, weird number to me. In fact, I filled out a form over the weekend and for the first time had to change the age category! That was strange. I don’t feel older, a few more noises in my joints and some body parts that hurt a bit more after a workout, but I don’t even know what I am supposed to feel like these days.
Do I feel sad that I have hit this age that sounds old? Do I feel grateful to be at an age that so many others didn’t have the privilege to reach? Do I feel apathetic? Do I feel scared?
I don’t feel much of these. Certainly, I am grateful to still be here on this earth, physically healthy, and more emotionally healthy than ever. The negative emotions though really are not here other than the realization that there is much less time to do some of the things I have wanted to do. Less time in front of me than behind me. And of course, there are the things I didn’t have in this lifetime that I pray for in the next; a loving lifelong partnership that I saw my parents and siblings have; children of my own; maybe a few more adventures; taking a few more risks. All in all though, no real regrets any longer. Things in my life happened for a reason, this is where I am supposed to be.
Given that, I started to really think about my sixties and what I want out of them. The last decade was a mixed bag of loss and heartache, as well as healing, fun and new beginnings. As I meditated on this to really get in touch with my purest self and turn inward, 4 topics came up. Health. Happiness. Friendship. Love. Although all of these have been present in my life, I am focused on them differently now.
I have always been generally healthy even if I haven’t always been at a healthy weight. I have not been the best however at getting regular check ups, focusing on preventative. Now I do. I want to ensure I keep my health. The idea of being mentally, emotionally as well as spiritually healthy on top of my physical health is a focus. Continually understanding my behavior and healing traumas that have created patterns is something that I see going on forever. It is the way I grow and the way I keep my spiritual alignment. Whenever I am stressed, or triggered to behave in a way I do not like any longer, I know I am out of alignment spiritually. I am trying to control something, create the outcome I am focused on instead of doing the work and letting the universe have my back. Learning new modalities of healing are on my radar along with amping up some of the mind/body/spirit connections.
Happiness is something that has been fleeting for me over the years. There was a time when I though the only way to be happy was to have the right relationship, the right career, a certain amount of money and lifestyle. None of those things brought lasting happiness. Over the last few years I have really understood that happiness is an inside job and it starts with being happy with who I am. I learned at a young age to be self-depricating (say the judgment about me before someone else does!). That leads to believing those judgments and not being happy with who you are, ever. Now, I still laugh at myself, but not in a judgmental way, in a fun silly way. I like who I am. For the first time in my life I am comfortable in my skin and like the person that I am. I no longer want or need other’s approval. This time in my life I am ready to focus on being happy and bringing joy to others as a way to be happy.
My dad used to say that I was similar to my mom, I had lifelong friends. And I do. I have friends that I have been close to for 45 years, 40, 30, as well as more recent. I realize though that I am not always the best friend I can be. I want to focus more on being a better friend. Continue to allow those older friendships to flourish while creating newer friendships. Nobody should ever question my friendship. I also have some that I have needed to let go of and I am becoming more at peace with that process.
Love. Love of life. Love of family. Love of a partner. Love of myself. More love in my life. Especially loving me. Like I said, I am finally comfortable in my own skin, completely. This allows me to finally not judge me and to really love me. And I do. I focus on self-care and self-love often, setting boundaries, removing toxic relationships and minimizing time with some who challenge in a way that doesn’t feel good. Love is something to be shared with the world and I work to share what I know, how I can help and how we can move from a lens of fear to a lens of love in everything we do. That is how I spread love. Oh yes, you know me well enough to know that I want love in my life from a partner, but that isn’t my focus. I hope that it comes but I focus on love as the portal to all that I do.
Health. Happiness. Friendship. Love. My guideposts as I fly into my 60’s!