mom…

Feisty. Spunky. Stubborn. Intelligent. Independent. Dancer. Compassionate. Strong willed. Witty. Funny. Caring. Accepting. Completely Unfiltered.

All words that describe my mom and as many would say, me. I embody a lot of my mom, the amazing and fierce as well as the dark and self-deprecating.  My mom just passed away, at 95 years young. She lived an amazing long life, filled with jubilance and sorrow; love and sadness; a life that was full. She was spunky as heck wth a heart the size I have never felt. She loved everyone. She taught love through actions, she was not demonstrative, but you knew her love of you was fierce. She cared greatly about you, what you were doing, how you were feeling. She and I shared so much. I told her all of my secrets, and she loved me through them all.

As I watched my family through all of this, it became so obvious that my mother’s legacy, and that of the love she and my dad shared, was this fierce, strong, “pull- together” family. We are there for each other, we support each other. No matter what else is going on around us, we close ranks and work together to support each other. It was beautiful to watch, even if you really didn’t want to experience it. My mom was proud, I’m sure.

My mom was a funny woman, even if she wasn’t trying to be. She and her sister did some very funny things, my college roommates couldn’t wait for Pigeon Sister stories. I have 2 favorites. The first was when my grandmother took ill in Florida and went into ICU. They had to fly to Florida, they had only ever flown once. I left Cook College in New Brunswick to drive them to the airport, meeting my dad there. The entire drive they were focused on their mom. When we got to the airport, the plane had already taxied and now they needed to wait 1 hour for the next flight, Now they were thinking about the flight! My dad and I gave them bloody Mary’s and got them on the plane that way. That evening I called to find out how my grandmother was. My mom told me that she and my aunt never left each other’s side on the flight. I laughed, of course you did someone had to go to the restroom, I exclaimed. My mom very quickly shared that they had gone in together, probably peed on the floor but didn’t leave each other’s side!

My second favorite story was when they went to the home of a friend of a friend’s where a baby shower was going to take place, They arrived and noticed that the house was not tidy,  They started to straighten up and the woman who lived their asked if they were there for the shower, They answered yes and she shared that the shower was next Thursday evening. My room mates loved that story!

My brother’s and I coined the name “Pigeon Sisters” after the flighty British women on the sitcom, The Odd Couple. My mom didn’t like the name as she thought those women were ugly. My mom was definitely someone who judged her own looks quite harshly. She judged herself very harshly something else I inherited from her.

I like that I can see both the beautiful and the dark, in me and in mom. It helps me to understand me and why I do some of what I do, which is generally all defense mechanisms. My mom and I both lash out as a defense, so we hurt first instead of getting hurt. I’m sorry to all I have done that to, as I know that has hurt others.

I will continue to learn and adjust, I will do so to honor Honey and grow and learn myself.