2015, The Lessons

Ah…2015 is coming to a close, a new year about to begin. Taking stock of the year is something I try to do each year and I generally set up some desires for the future, culminating in a vision board. I used to just list things as I took stock and much of it was what I didn’t do or the “failures of the year.” My life coach gave me a way to take stock by thinking about my successes, my failures, my lessons and my surprises.  This framework enables me to be much more constructive and positive as even failures give us lessons or surprises. Nothing really is a failure.  I gain some themes and use that as the basis of a dreaming exercise.  I capture my desires for 2016 and what I’m going to release at the end of 2015, as it no longer serves me. I’m going to think about 2016 as well as 5 and 10 years out and begin to really make a plan for my next chapter.

As I began to think about this, I realized some of the pivotal successes were general healing that was felt across my family and I began to open my heart more, be more vulnerable. This showed up everywhere, my successes, my lessons, my surprises…not my failures. Other than perhaps still being harsh with myself, less than I have in the past but still not always kind to me. I allowed my vulnerability to be seen and read. I opened myself to individuals and certainly through this blog. That courage took me by surprise.

I had hoped 2015 would be the beginning of bringing romance back into my life. It wasn’t. That was a failure for me, not even putting myself out there. This is a huge area that I need to focus on in 2016, continuing to open my heart to a relationship.

I also had hoped to symbolize breaking through fears and trust issues I would go skydiving during 2015. That didn’t materialize and was a huge let down for me. Something I still think will be transformational for me, but I don’t think I can put myself in someone else’s hands to plan it now, I think this is where my control issues will still show up! Oh well, still a lesson for me I guess!

A great surprise for me was the need to purge and how good that has felt. I purged some of my house, clothes and weight! I lost 27 pounds, gave away over 35 contractor bags of clothes, shoes, bags, coats, etc, and old picnic tables, chairs and old pool toys. I continue to purge clothing and focus on what I really wear versus what I have. I have a lot. That is certainly how I have filled a void in my life, through shopping and eating! The two things I purged in 2015!

One of the themes that has come through my successes, surprises and lessons is around my relationship with myself. As I sat here tonight thinking about the year, I ordered and ate Chinese food. Not something I do very often, but was really in the mood for egg drop soup. If I were industrious I would have made some but alas, I was lazy, and I ordered. As I finished dinner, there were 3 fortune cookies. I opened the first one and laughed. It said, “The most important relationship in your life is with yourself.” Really!? How does that happen!? Quite the sign.

So the relationship with me, something that is not only a theme but what I really focused on in 2015 and I changed. I was with me more. I spent time alone in Florida twice, Aruba, Connecticut a lot! I spent time at my pool alone, the Jersey shore and in my car. Spending time alone gave me an opportunity for me to be with me in a different way. I spent a lot of time thinking, meditating, walking, smiling, laughing, being in the moment with the sunrise, or sunset.

As I think about the year, I realize that I became my own best friend. I feel more aligned, I feel more myself than I ever have.

I began to create a deep and meaningful partnership with a friend. Something deeper than I have ever experienced. It is allowing me to open up more and again be safe in showing my vulnerability. This foundation will set me up for a wonderful 2016.  Gaining trust and confidence in myself can only make desires come true. Being vulnerable, kind and loving with myself and with others is opening me up to great emotion and a capacity to really feel and love. It is true what they say, the more you love, the more your capacity is to love, it just continues to expand.

As we wind down the year, take stock and think about all you accomplished, all you learned, and all that surprised you. Dream a bit about your greatest desires in 2016 and write them down. Visualize them. They will manifest, perhaps not in the way you had hoped, but in the way that was needed. Let the plan unfold. The greatest lesson in life is patience.