The Ten Week Challenge was coming to an end. We had run, kicked and punched bags and lifted weights. We planked, did burpees, mountain climbers and robots. We relayed, partnered and pushed each other as a group. We laughed, we complained, we jumped, we sang. We began to build new friendships and encouraged each other constantly. Each class ended with a high five circle and a “great job” to each!
I went from feeling weak and fragile to strong and stable. I have seen a change in my capability and in my body. I also have seen the change in my head and heart.
Last summer, I was traveling a lot for work, had a long commute and was definitely having trouble staying committed to being healthy. My eating habits had gone from 85 % clean to maybe 60% clean. I substituted healthy dinners with peanut butter and crackers or better yet a bottle of wine and a bag of “Organic” (because that makes everything seem better for me) tortilla chips. My workouts had dwindled to weekends only and without an encouraging trainer, I definitely was not pushing myself the same way. I was in a downward spiral both physically and emotionally. I knew I had been triggered and my depression was actively playing with me, I was having trouble controlling me.
By September of last year my depression had fully triggered my “fill the voids in my life with food” way of coping. At the end of the month I lost my mom which took filling voids with food to an entirely new level. I was back to eating processed foods more as they were quicker and easier and tasty. I could just shove food in my mouth, it really didn’t matter what it was or sometimes even how it tasted. I thought I was healthy by eating a protein bar, of course eating 3 in a day along with meals is another story! After Mom died, I gained 14 pounds on top of the 5 I had already gained back after doing so well for a few years. I felt bloated, tired, and big.
I started to release some of this very heavy negative energy in the spring. My 10 day trip to Florida well documents the beginning of my healing. I was able through the spring to get about 5 pounds off or so and began to focus a little on what I was eating. My dad, living with me for the time being, began to channel my mom with some of his comments. My mom would always point out to me what I needed to do, or share with me how she thought I needed to lose weight. My dad only said something once to me over all of the years. Well, now he channels her! Back in the spring he looked at me and just said,” if you keep picking and grabbing stuff you will never lose weight.” That stuck with me as that was what I was doing, undermining by good eating habits with picking and at times even thinking I was sneaking food! Sneaking! In my own home!
I knew I needed something different. I knew that Pilates once a week wasn’t going to cut it for me. And then a friend sent out a note on social media to join her for a trial class at the Max. My other close friend who also was feeling out of shape and I decided to go. We never looked back!
My eating habits have changed as I have incorporated the nutrition program into my life. Over the course of the 10 weeks I have seen me go from modifying a work out to being able to do different exercises without a modification. I don’t immediately think, “I can’t do that,” I now say “let me try this!” I feel my muscles getting stronger and shaping differently. I am back to about 90% clean eating, having not had very much processed foods or white flour foods at all.
I have lost over 12 pounds and gained a lot of muscle. My clothes fit better and outfits I couldn’t wear last summer I could wear this summer. My confidence has increased, my enthusiasm has increased and my positivity has returned. I walk through the doors each week day morning with a smile on my face as I am greeted that same way. My energy has increased and I know I am vibrating on a higher frequency, more anabolic and positive.
The transformation of my body still has a ways to go and I will continue with these workouts to help me get to my goals. The transformation of my mind and thoughts, although always a goal to improve, has not been this good in a very long time. I no longer feel stuck on the hamster wheel focused only on what is going wrong. For too long I was burdening myself with sadness, about my mom, about being alone, about relationships gone bad, etc.
I am still sad that mom is gone, there isn’t a day that I am not hit with that reality wish that she was here to talk with or hug me. There isn’t a day that I am not sad, but I am not sad all day. I am not feeding the sadness with food or drink. I feel it and then I remember that she’s ever present in my life and my heart and around me. I smile when she shows up and I talk with her daily.
The Ten Week Challenge has concluded, but the changes continue. My heart, my thoughts, my energy and my body continue to heal and propel me to my next chapter of life. I’m ready for the next Ten Week Challenge!
Thanks for sharing this. You are on the path for this new year. you know you will reach your goal. you are a determined person. Love you very much. Happy for all of your positive movements forward.
Keep it up, Cuz, keep it up! ❤