2018….the beginning

Dad was sitting on the big comfy leather chair in the corner of the family room,  one leg up on the ottoman stretching a red elastic band to help with upper body strength. I walked into the kitchen and he immediately asked, “what are you doing up there?”  I had been in my home office for about 1 ½ hours, which is upstairs and he isn’t good climbing stairs.  I told him I was cleaning out some things from my office. I was moving books between 2 rooms and getting rid of papers, files, and junk I no longer needed, or no longer served me. I was doing this to start to organize my office as a place of business not a home office for my full time job; and a place to pay bills!

I stood there with a smile on my face that I think must have looked like a Cheshire cat.  I was purging out of my corporate Suzy and beginning to move into a new version of me, with a new focus and business. Purging, one of the most healing things I think you can do. A couple of years ago I purged a lot of things at my home, at the same time changed my eating habits to 80% clean.  My emotions ran wild, I was so very weepy.  I had taken away the way I comforted myself by taking processed foods out of my diet, at the same time I was getting rid of things that I had some attachment to. This time, far less  attachment, these weren’t memories as much as they were old papers and I was already back to about 70% clean.  So, less emotion, right?

Absolutely not! I have cried; I have left messages for people that I should have deleted; I have been totally woe is me!  I was a mess through the holidays and the new year.  I found myself aggravated more than I should be, frustrated more and certainly no patience!

I knew I needed to get the past year into some perspective and begin to heal all of this hurt and pain.  One of the rituals I decided to do on New Year’s Eve was new and was really impactful for me. I wrote a letter to 2017. It was a page long and talked about what occurred, how I handled things both good and bad and how hard the year was  As I burned the letter in the fireplace that evening, I said out loud, “2017 you kicked my ass, but I am still standing! Just wait, 2018 is going to kick yours!”

What a great feeling! I felt empowered at that moment and energized. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything would fall into place to help me create an amazing year in 2018 and in the future.  This will be my best year, a year of creativity, learning, letting go and opening up!

Letting go of my deepest wound of “not being good enough,” is at the top of the list. I have finally gone back to the practice of meditation, 10 minutes a day.  I am a believer that starting and sticking with a practice is the most important thing, so I am good with 10 minutes. I meditate at night, it helps me sleep and I have the time. Once I stop going to work, I will meditate in the morning and the evening.  This is a practice that I believe will help me release this pattern and heal.

Opening up my heart to not only release these patterns but also to receive. I have closed myself off for a while now, so afraid of being hurt. I really closed myself off after mom, I couldn’t bare loving someone and losing them again. I closed myself off to my friends and to love. Now I know I need to open up and be ready to receive.

We all have heard that instead of looking at something as an ending, look at the beginning of something new. I am ready for something new.

2018…the beginning