How many of us grew up on the number 666 as being a bad omen, the sign of the devil? I remember well the movie The Omen, and Damian had 666 tattooed on his scalp, which is how they knew the devil was inside of a child. Scary stuff!

So, when the number 666 kept coming up for me I was getting a bit concerned! Is this an omen I should worry about. I would look at my phone and the number of emails, no matter how many I deleted, seemed to come up at 666. I had two different transactions where I owed 6.66. This went on for a few days so I decided to look it up from angel number perspective instead of dreading the devil!

It said, “It’s a message to stop doubting yourself.  666 Angel number highlights your immense creativity as well as your capacity to achieve amazing things. If you are seeing 666, it’s because you are doubting yourself and your abilities to achieve your dreams. Repeatedly coming across 666 is an angelic realm and calls you to forget about your doubts and to focus on your worth.”

Doubting myself and my abilities. So true. There were times throughout my career that I suffered from Imposter Syndrome. I wondered when someone was going to realize that I really wasn’t that good, that I didn’t deserve the roles I was in or the life that I lead. When I finally decided to leave that career, I also thought I left those doubts. I was no longer at the mercy of egomaniacs who did things to you to rock your confidence because they were intimidated, they were filled with fear. I thought those doubts would miraculously disappear now that I wasn’t in the toxic environment that is corporate America. It doesn’t matter if you work for a company that is mission and purpose driven, ethical and moral, or any of the other positive cultural aspects that so many aspire toward. It is always about the people you work with and those who your are under. And too many of them are filled with such fear that they cannot handle someone who is smart, vulnerable, and honest. They want people who feed their ego and don’t see them for who they really are, they want yes people. They all say they don’t, but most do. Some just disagree with you, some use anything they can find to push you down.

But those doubts are there. Last week I had the opportunity to attend a full day of up-skilling my coaching, learning from two people who have trained coaches and who have an engaging way of helping you grow without ever doubting yourself. I knew one person also attending. My thoughts as I drove to The College of St Elizabeth for the day were focused on not making a fool of myself. I kept fighting the thoughts of “I’m not good enough,” and “they are going to tell me I shouldn’t be a coach.” I wondered as I started mingling if I was going to prove to be the worst coach there, that I wasn’t really very good. As I talked to people and learned how long they had been coaching, the type of coaching they did and how confident they came across, I all but convinced myself that I shouldn’t be there, I wasn’t of their caliber.

These doubts show up too often. Whenever I am going into an environment where I don’t know people and I am going to be uncomfortable because it is time to learn and grow, I wonder a few things.  I wonder if people will like me, am I likable? I wonder if people will see my spirit and essence or will they just see the scared little girl who doesn’t think she belongs? I wonder if I will prove to myself that I’m not good enough. This has happened before every retreat I had gone on, every class I have taken as an adult.

I get that these doubts could be something everyone at some point wonders. I seem to wonder it often, and I often  prove myself wrong. When I went to Italy in 2013 for a writer’s retreat, I wondered if anyone would like me. Of course, I made amazing connections and truly love and adore some of the women I traveled with. They liked me. And each other time I have done something daring like a retreat or class, I have made a friend or two and realized that I was no better and no worse than anyone else.

So these doubts are my fear, my ego, popping up to say “hey, this is growth! Can you do it? I’m not sure” These signs, the 666 and the notion that I am doubting my abilities and my worth are reminding me that I need to stop doubting myself and my abilities.  I need learn, grow, and not doubt where  I am, but be excited for where I am going.  These doubts do not serve my highest good, they get in the way of my service to the world. They get in the way of me being my best self. These doubts need disappear.

Thank you 666 and my angels for reminding me of my creativity, my abilities and my heart.

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