There are times in life when everything is just clicking. You feel strong, in tune with your needs, in tune with your intuition. Every situation is handled to the best of your ability, and things just seem to work themselves out. There are times in life when you feel like everything is hitting on all cylinders. Home is running smoothly. Relationships are in harmony. Work is moving and grooving. You are on top of the world during these times. These should last forever. This is the way life is supposed to be, right?
Yeah, not so much. Life isn’t idyllic, and all rainbows and unicorns. There are mistakes along the way. There are bumps in our roads. During those bumps, we may be begin to feel completely out of sorts. We begin to feel a bit out of control, as if we could jump out of our skin. Our emotions are on the surface. Many things around us start to feel off. Relationships seem to struggle for harmony. Things around us may break. We can’t keep up with the demands of our life, and we feel as if we are failing miserably. We make mistakes or feel the pressure of a mistake and perhaps become stuck or scared. And sometimes that is just in our mind, which then allows us to make more mistakes or take wrong turns. And that just compounds everything. And then our confidence dips, becomes shaken.
These bumpy times are ways to move us to another path, to learn a lesson or change something. The universe uses these as guideposts on our path, to learn along the way. But when you have been healing and doing all of this work to continue to develop who you are or what your purpose is and these bumps in the road emerge, it’s tough to keep moving. The first question to hit you could be, “why again?” “Why do I need another lesson, can’t it just be smooth? Haven’t I done enough to become me, to become my best me; to become my masterpiece?”
And yes, you have. But there is always more to do. We are always learning and healing and becoming are authentic true self. We are all masterpieces, and works in progress, at the same time. I have been learning this one a lot these days.
As you all know from reading this blog, I have done a lot to work on me. I have done a lot to focus on my self-talk, my self love, and most of all living from my heart and using feminine energy. I continue to work at being vulnerable and allowing myself to receive versus always the giver, fixer, and rock. And when I am true to all the work I have done, I am in my feminine energy, allowing to receive and being softer. My words are different and my actions follow. I am in harmony with who I was meant to be, not who I became to make it in my world. So when this gets challenged and I am dealing with a lot of masculine energy, a lot of poking and prodding from others, I feel unbalanced.
That is how I have been feeling over the last few weeks. Nothing can seem to go right in my eyes. I’m not feeling in line with my heart, I’m not listening to my intuition. I know I am out of balance when my emotions are on the surface. The fact that I have cried every day for the last 4 weeks says a lot to me. That only plays harder on my psyche, my confidence becomes unraveled. I am not me, not the me that I have come to love, admire and respect.
I am blessed to have tools in my life due to the work I have done to help me move through these times and figure out what is being triggered and let it go. I have my genius guru and my intuitive healer and they are both there to help. I called my healer this week and we spent time talking about what I was feeling and going through. Within moments of this call I could hear her releasing energy. She asked me what a certain situation was triggering for me. I blurted out “fear of failure.” Whew! I hadn’t really thought about that and didn’t realize I was being triggered like that. It really is amazing that when you are going through something, you don’t always take that time to try to figure out what is happening and why because you are in survival mode, that primal point in your brain where it is very basic, fight or flight!
I shared with her that I thought I had dealt with this already, wasn’t I already beyond this dumb fear? New lesson coming my way! And much of it is a reaction to masculine energy around me. So I’m not healed, was my thought. This is another level of healing, and learning. The biggest learning right now is that I’m not tuning into my own intuition. I’m not listening to me because I am in fight or flight. We talked for over 1 ½ hours and I felt drained but stronger when we hung up. I had released a lot and just kept saying to myself, “stay centered Suzy, stay in your power.” I actually slept that night.
I had a situation this week that bothered me. I was telling a very intuitive friend about it and their reaction was what mine should have been. My friend immediately said, “You’ve got this.” “You know how to respond to this, I’ve seen you do it.” Yes, I do. I didn’t until my friend reminded me that I do. Why? Because I was in fight or flight and not listening to my heart.
Both of these discussions helped me to see that I wasn’t being authentic and wasn’t tuning into my intuition. I was just reacting. I was allowing my confidence to be rocked instead of listening to my heart. I was fighting myself a bit. I was fighting that I have already dealt with all of this, I am complete, not a work in progress.
Not true. Every level of understanding is part of the journey. My path took a twist but it is still my path and taking me where I should be. We are always learning and growing from situations to move down that path, to open up new ways of thinking, new ways of doing and creating space for what is next.
That is who I am and where I am. A masterpiece and a work in progress. And I’m good with that!