ahhh, single life. For some it is paradise and for some it can feel like solitary confinement. As with everything, there are pros and cons to being single. And for everyone it is probably a bit different. Some of us have been single more than we have been in a partnership. And that presents some interesting lifestyle moments…where you do things that you know you probably wouldn’t do it if you were in a partnership, and you wonder if you are able to change back if you are in one at some point! I sometimes wonder, can you really sleep with someone again? I like my bed now all to myself. I like my room being mine, my bathroom being mine. I don’t think I’m set in my ways, I think I am adaptable, however there are some things I have gotten very used to as a single person.
Like what you ask? Let’s start with the simple. The full on conversations that one can have with themselves. Speaking from personal experience, I can have a two way conversation with myself and nobody else hears it, chimes in to tell me what to think, nobody interrupts me or tells me to stop talking to myself. It is probably one of the few times that I get sage advice and feel fully heard! Of course I also don’t get a differing opinion to help me really think through something, or the “are you crazy?” that I probably deserve at times, but I get unconditional listening and support! And we are talking full on conversations!
Another part of single life is never having to share a bathroom, other than with a pet. I may miss the occasional shower or bath for two, but for the most part I certainly enjoy not having to worry about someone else smelling up or messing up the bathroom. I can sit in the soaking tub for an hour without anyone bothering me, other than Lucy watching me (which is weird to say the least). If I am lazy, I don’t have to clean the bathroom right away, I can leave my make up out, my flat iron out, and a towel hanging over the tub if I want! Nobody sees it! Although I don’t often leave my bathroom a mess, I can if I want!
I can go to bed whenever I want and how I want. I can be in pajamas, or naked. I can be in sweat pants or shorts. I can go to bed at 2am or 8pm. I can sleep to 5am or 10 am. I can fall asleep with lights on , magazines strewn across the “other side” of the bed and glasses on my nose. And on those off days when I am too lazy to put new sheets on the bed, I can sleep on the comforter with a blanket over me and put the sheets on in the morning! I can even go an entire weekend with only speaking to my dad. Not have contact with anyone else, and sometimes that is just necessary for the heart.
People I know who were married over 20 or so years and then became single see the world as a great big opportunity to do what they want, when they want it and enjoy their singledom. They take time to find out about who they really are without that partnership and generally have a lot of fun figuring that all out. Many of them date, generally stating that they have no interest in getting married again but enjoy the companionship. That too is a great part of singledom. You get to decide your life’s path, not having to compromise or create it with someone.
That is also the lonely part of being single. You create the path, and have nobody to walk it with you. When there is something great to celebrate, there is nobody there to remind you that you are the badass that made that happen. When things are difficult, there is nobody there to hold you up and remind you that you are strong and will make it through. There is no one companion, to go to the movies with, a weekend away, a play in the city, or attend a concert. The amount of times I want to buy tickets to something but never know if I will have anyone who will want to go. I want to buy 2 tickets not 3, How many times do I think, “well she will probably want her husband to go” so do I buy 3 or give away both tickets? It becomes a big question in my head and I end up not buying and not going to something I probably could have gone to alone or found someone to go with me but didn’t really try. I talk myself out of it due to being alone and others not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that one is totally on my and the way I react to be a third wheel. I completely hate it. I hate being the 3rd, 5th and when it gets to 7th, I generally don’t want to go. I have great friends that are couples who never make me feel out of place, that is me, but it is me. I feel out of place when I’m the 3rd, 5th or so on! And on’t get me started on vacations! I can’t plan the trips I want to plan because I have nobody to plan them with me! I have traveled alone, and I’m ok with it, but I would rather share my moments than them being my own.
There is nobody bringing out the best in you and helping you be your best self, that is left to only you, and you alone. You don’t have your person. You aren’t anyone’s person. And no matter how many people you have in your life who love you, you don’t have that one person who makes you the most important person. You don’t have the one person you want to shower with all the love you hold in your heart.
Ahhh, single life. I can sleep in whatever I want, whenever I want, watch whatever I want on the TV, listen to my own music, and eat whatever and whenever I want. I do it alone, without my person. There are pros and cons to this life, and I can’t tell you what outweighs what at this point. It just is.