How often are you hearing people say, “Just go with it and see what happens. You don’t have to know exactly how something is going to happen, or that it will. Be okay with no knowing for sure what’s coming next, and know that whatever it is, you will be okay. ” I am reading it and seeing this sentiment in a variety of places, hearing it from all the “gurus” I read. But man, I am struggling with the concept.
As someone who was raised to have goals and to work hard for those goals, it is difficult to move from planning exactly how to reach those goals to focusing on it differently. To change my mindset to one of “work hard to prepare but know that whatever the outcome, it is for your highest good. However it happens it is for your highest good. You will be okay no matter what happens.” It has meant believing more in the universe than I once did. It has meant believing in me and my preparation more. And it means giving up control. Control of how to do something, control of the timing, control of the outcome. All we really have control over is us; our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions.
I have been, at times in my life, a control freak. Someone who needs to control a situation, control the outcome so that I get what I want, and therefore try to control others. I realize this has not helped me. I have mostly tried to control romantic partners, and men who I want in my life as a romantic partner. Sometimes that control can look like manipulation, or a scripted scene where they are not following the script! And my emotions take over when the script isn’t going the way I planned! I haven’t done this in a while, the last time was a breaking point in a relationship I had thought was moving toward more romantic than friendship. In my controlling way, I tried to push it to the place I wanted. He didn’t. Or he wasn’t ready. No matter what, it was a complete fail! It changed the relationship completely, and so the outcome wasn’t what I had hoped, worked for or prayed for. Instead it has been an uphill battle since then to either let go of that dream, or even have a friendship again.
Now perhaps that is for my highest good and I just haven’t realized that yet. Perhaps there is someone or something far better waiting for me. I don’t know. If I listened to what is being said to me by all the gurus, that is the case. Or the timing wasn’t right, and that needs to align itself. Either way, this really validated for me that I can’t control outcomes, and I need to let go of how something happens, whether it will happen and focus on my growth and getting better, and allowing things to happen more naturally.
My retirement from corporate is a great example of taking the leap and letting things move more naturally. I retired 4 years earlier than my plan. Why? I was that miserable in a job and a place that no longer served me or my growth. I knew that whatever happened I would be ok, so I took the leap without a full plan, without really knowing how I was going to do anything. I just knew I could and no matter what it would be fine. And it has proven to be so.
Listening to some of my friends who are trying to control every outcome, and every decision made me realize that living more in a space of being ok with how things turn out, no matter what, is aligned with who I am today. It doesn’t mean you don’t prepare. It doesn’t mean you don’t grow. That is the work you do. Heal, grow, learn and become better each day as a human being and in whatever it is you want to do. But don’t attach so much to the how or the outcome and have faith that it all works to your highest good.
Be okay with not knowing for sure what’s coming next, and know whatever it is, you will be okay.