Fear of failure. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear of criticism. Fear of making others unhappy. Fear of being alone.
What do these all have in common other than being fears? They are different ways people say or behave when they are concerned with what other people may say about their choice. They are different ways to please others. They are different ways to “motivate” yourself to work hard at being perfect. Fear-based thinking keeps us small and harnesses energy that is neither productive in the long run or really good for us.
So many of us have these limited beliefs and stories that we have created. “Failure is not an option.” So we work like crazy, long hours and expect perfection from ourselves. If we fail, what will others think, say or do? Why is it that we care so much about what other people think of us? I know I spent a lot of my life trying to be perfect in an imperfect world. I tried to please others and do so that they liked me or cared for me. And when something didn’t go well, I took it to heart and personally. I was not good enough if I wasn’t perfect.
And that thought, not being good enough, weighed me down and beat me up, over and over again. It caused me to lash out, caused me to be angry at others or go internally and think, “woe is me.” This was the belief that all those fears led to, not being enough, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough.
When you finally break through this and realize that what other people think doesn’t matter, that there is no perfect and how people behave and react is not about you, it is about them, you become free. When you finally begin to face life not from a place of good and bad or right and wrong but from a place of possibilities and opportunities, you feel different. When you approach situations and yourself from a place of love and compassion you begin to lose the stories. You change the stories to ones that match who you are not who you were because of conditioning and traumas.
These fears come back from time to time, and you have to really focus on why. What is triggering that and how do you continue to move through that versus get stuck in the muck of it? What is it teaching you? That is how I have found healing works. You don’t get rid of all the triggers, but you learn to focus on the why and move through it faster. You are more resilient.
Breaking free of the fears that hold you back is a giant leap toward your goals. Breaking free of caring what others think of you or your decisions is a giant leap toward being authentic in life and not being what the world has created you to be.