control is an illusion…

Confusion comes from over-thinking and over-managing life. Clarity comes from letting go of trying to work everything out and being present enough to see the guidance that life is already giving you.

~Sandy C. Newbigging


I have a good friend who often reminds me that “control is an illusion.” We have very little.  We can control how we react to situations, we can control our actions. There isn’t a lot more we can control. Yet how many of us try to control the outcome of almost every situation, probably think we do at times and get frustrated when expectations aren’t met.

I for one over-think everything. I know that about me. I continue to work toward letting go more quickly, not over-thinking. It is difficult for me. I have played out full conversations in my head or scenarios in my head which just causes confusion.

Letting go is far from easy, especially when you are hurt. My being hurt was really my expectations not being met, being disappointed in someone who I love and who didn’t think would ever disappoint me. It took a day or two and some venting and someone to kick me in the ass for me to realize that I had no right to be disappointed. I had no right to have an expectation. That wasn’t fair. I don’t have control over what other people do or say or don’t do. I needed to realize that I was creating a scenario and that wasn’t fair either.

What makes me happy about this situation is that I recognized it. I was present for it. I am in awe of the people around me who do let things go naturally. They just move one not worrying about anything. They understand the big picture, the universe in all its awe. For some that is God. For some that is the Universe. For most it is just beyond us, bigger than us.

That is not something I grew up really learning about or believing. I think I believed in God but I know I didn’t’ think there was a plan and the universe guided you on your path in that plan; with lessons along the way. I began to really understand this when I was in therapy in my early thirties after my husband and I divorced. That didn’t last long, but it was somewhat healing and helpful. It just didn’t heal the deep wounds, they took 2 decades to heal. During this time was when  I finally realized that I did believe in God and perhaps even something different like the Universe.

These two go hand in hand; believing in the universe guiding you and letting go. I am in the process of creating my vision for 2016. I am focused on big leaps this year. And one of the tools that I have already and will draw upon this year is, “Trusting myself for things unfolding, put my desire out there and it unfolds the way it should not the way I plan.”  So letting go is something I believe I have done, can do and will need to do.

It all seems to boil down to trusting myself. Knowing that I will just let it unfold, allowing myself to be just be. I don’t have to be moving all of the time. My mind doesn’t seem to calm down unless I meditate. And even then I am finding I cannot meditate for more than 10 minutes.

I continue to work on letting go. I continue to work on just being. I continue to work on trusting myself.

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