I am in the process of cleaning out my two walk in closets in my bedroom so that I can convert them to one large very organized closet! Those who know me, are very aware that I have way too much clothes, shoes, scarves and handbags. I have over 15 bags of clothes to give away and probably could add more if I was really honest with myself. So right now I have clothes hanging in 3 different closets as well as wardrobe boxes, dressers, shelves, bins, etc.
The other night I was putting away an overnight bag into the bottom of one of the closets I am using when I found a box I didn’t realize was there. I opened the box and was surprised! Low and behold, some journals that were missing. I knew I had these and couldn’t find them. I was looking for one in particular as I knew there was a passage in there I wanted to use for the book I am writing. I took the two journals dated 1997 to 1998 and 1999 to 2000 and a glass of wine and sat outside.
I opened the 1997 journal and began to read. Within 3 pages I found the passage I had been looking for.
“It’s like swimming under water in the dark. I can’t see my feet, my hands or the surface. I’m aimless. It’s impossible to plant my feet on the ground. I’m scared.”
Although I don’t feel that way today, I remembered feeling that again in 2009 and 2010 when I was in the deepest depression of my life. Reading this sent a little shiver up my spine. I really did feel that way, wow.
I continued to read and realized that many of the feelings I had then were coming up again now. The whole idea of not being good enough, not being worthy of a deep intimate relationship. The notion that I am only good enough to be friends, never good enough to be more. How do these things keep coming up? I know from my guru’s that healing is in many layers, like peeling an onion or a parfait! So I guess another layer in my healing is occurring.
Just then a piece of paper fell out of the journal. It was something printed off the computer in 2013. I obviously shoved this in the journal when I put them in this box. Louise Hay’s picture was on the paper with the question “Do You Love Yourself?” Seriously, these signs kill me! I am just realizing that healing needs to happen on another level regarding how I feel about me and my worth and this shows up!
I read it and realized that this may be something I need to read every day. So, I wanted to share it with all of you. I am writing this verbatim from Louse Hay. She believes that the only thing that heals every problem is to love you. When people start to love themselves more each day, it’s amazing how lives get better. She writes 12 commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:
Stop all Criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are
Forgive Yourself. Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had.
Don’t Scare Yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts.
Be Gentle and Kind and Patient. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.
Be Kind to Your Mind. Self- hatred is only hating your thoughts.
Praise yourself. Praise builds up your inner spirit. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
Support Yourself. Allow people to help you.
Be Loving to Your Negatives. Lovingly release your negative patterns.
Take Care of your body. Cherish the temple you live in.
Do Mirror Work. Look into your eyes often and express a growing sense of love you have for yourself.
Love Yourself…Do It Now. Don’t wait until you get well, lose weight, get the job, find the new relationship.
Have Fun. Smile, Laugh, Rejoice.
As I read these, I realize that I am working on so many! My year’s vision board is focused on surrendering past patterns, letting things go that no longer serve me and being happy in my body. Then I think about what is coming up with my life coach and a lot about being worthy and second guessing myself has come up. I believe that incorporating these commandments into my life will help me continue to heal and grow.
Finding these journals was certainly meant to be, and certainly serendipitous! I believe that it is my time to love myself, fully and completely. Not just when things are going well at work. Or when someone is interested in me for more than friendship. Or when I feel good in my body.
Let’s Love Ourselves. We are each worthy of our own love and affection. We need to love us the way we love others.