I was mindlessly looking for something to snack on in my pantry as my dad napped in the family room. As quietly as I could I took the bag of tortilla chips out of my pantry and ever so lightly shut the door. I turned and walked into the foyer holding the almost empty bag in a way that it would not make noise nor would he see it as I left the room. As quiet as possible I walked up the stairs and headed for my office. I wanted to review notes from the intuitive healing classes up to now to gauge how far I had come and to ensure that as I meditated tonight I focused where I thought I needed to in order to continue to tune into the universe.
I sat down at my desk and opened my notebook to my first session with our teacher which was back in October. The first module of this 3 module/6 month class was all about individual healing. This session began with an intention around healer heal thyself and to bring my intuitive gifts to the surface. A big learning in this session was around my energetic field and how energy can be stolen. As I stuck my hand into the bottom of the bag to grab a chip and put it in my mouth I read the following “People steal energy from me, I feel depleted and need to feed myself, I eat to do this.” I re-read the sentence as the crunches from the tortilla chip echoed in my head. Then I read that I close my heart in order to get away from those who are energetically invasive.
I sat there with the chip bag on my lap and actually laughed out loud. I always said eating was a way to fill a void in my life. Now it is real, it is the void from energy begin sucked out of me by others and not getting any back. Hmmm, and I’m sneaking food in my own home! Both ideas made me laugh and also made me think hard.
Who is depleting me of energy right now, at this moment? And then I remembered the texts and conversations with one friend who I know I need some space from. I am not sure this is the only person who is draining me of my energy but it is certainly the first one I thought about. Someone who I always thought would be there for me and now isn’t, but every once in a while shows up and thinks that is good enough. For them I guess it is, for me it is depleting me and my reaction to that is to eat. And eating I’m doing.
The next lines in my notebook focused on me noticing how drained I feel after I leave people or conversations with people. Not all people but certainly some. Again, a realization as I sat with the tortilla bag. The bag went into the garbage with some chips left in them and I sat there thinking about my reaction to energy.
As I said, I always knew that I fill voids through eating, I also do through shopping. I have been very focused on not shopping and in fact since I lost my mom, no patience for walking around stores anyway. A lot of shopping could be done online, however I have kept that to mostly gifts, I haven’t bought myself a stitch of clothing since December. I am definitely eating more though and not as clean and healthy as I had been.
My guru asked me if I had ever heard of “candida”. I had not and she explained it is excessive yeast in a body, which is an energy taker as it eats the sugar that gives us energy. Some of the symptoms she added were feeling scattered, being demanding and untrusting in relationships, having a lot of frustration and anger. I realized I was all of these things when we talked. I needed to let go of the great takers in my life. She had shared with me then as I was cutting carbs out of my diet that I was intuitively handling the candida as I knew getting the carbs out would get rid of the energy leak and energetically shift me to letting go of the great takers in my life.
Reading all of this was eye opening. I hadn’t followed a lot of this intentionally but was starting to realize that I needed to do so. I need to pay attention to people and how I feel when I leave them. Are they taking my energy all of the time? Am I becoming depleted as I am not getting any energy from anyone? How does each individual make me feel. How am I reacting to each?
Now is the time to really understand what is depleting me and let it go. That may not mean ending friendships but certainly knowing I will be depleted by some may mean I tread more lightly. It may mean I ensure that I do things for me that give me energy back and allow me to get rid of their energy. It will mean saying no more, and not feeling guilty about that.
This is my time, to put me first without guilt. I need to heal the candida, get rid of the energy leaks physically and emotionally. This is my time to fill myself, no food, no shopping just me.