The warm sun tingled by skin; the light breeze worked to cool me a bit. I could hear the trickling of the fountain in the pond. Birds chirped and flew from one feeder to another beating each other out for specks of food. I got up from the lounge chair and walked to the pool house to grab a cold water from the refrigerator. As I headed back to the chair I could hear the song “Happy” coming from my speaker. I began to dance. I danced all around the patio , clapping and singing along. I felt lighter, a lilt in my step I had missed over the last month or so.
Dancing is probably the freest I ever feel. I love the entire expression of dance and am blessed with some rhythm. My parents were incredible dancers in their day. Between inheriting from them and studying dance for 7 years, I am a good dancer. I have confidence in me and my rhythm, my dancing.
That is the same confidence I need in myself, for work, and for life. As I laid back down on the lounge chair I realized that confidence was coming back. Over the last few weeks I have been working at changing my attitude, turn negative self talk back to positive and to let go of what was weighing me down. I was questioning me, my abilities and everything I was doing. I lacked focus, and I lacked a positive attitude.
That negativity was infiltrating every part of my life. I was giving up quickly when something wasn’t going right. I was getting angry at me quickly and found I was saying “I can’t,” more than, “I can do this.” I was recently out in my new kayak on the Manasquan river. Our trip this Sunday was to launch from Gull island close to the ocean inlet and kayak a couple of miles to Treasure Island which sat in the middle of the river inland a few miles from the inlet. A popular spot for boats to head out to the sea, it is crowded and means being very cognizant of boat traffic and navigating the wakes. The first time we made this trek, a few weeks prior, I was tentative and scared. I lacked belief in myself that I could successfully navigate and I fought the water, the kayak and me. This time I was determined to do a better job of weight distribution and use my strength to power through some of the tough spots. I repeated to myself, ” you got this girl!” My muscles tightened and flexed. I felt strong, physically and emotionally. And I enjoyed myself, letting go of doubt and reveling in the sheer joy of sun, salt water, and laughter.
It is all about focusing on the positive, reminding yourself you are good and having a support system that bolsters your confidence. Mine was eroding but I am getting it back. Focusing my brain on positive self talk and reaching out to the people i know care and have faith in me are two ways to move through these uncertain moments. I am freer, more positive and moving forward….Happy!