No Regrets..
“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”
Scrolling along on Instagram and this scrolls on by. Boom! It immediately reminded of a principal I have learned that I truly try to live by now, “you mad the best decision you could with the information you had at that moment. New information creates a new decision.”
How sweet life is when you don’t sit back and regret. So often we spend time in a cycle of regret. Regret the time spent with someone who turns out not to be who you thought they were. Regret the actions taken when we were younger or angry or wounded. Regret people, places, companies, jobs, lost loves, lost almost loves, lost time.
If we used this quote more as our guide, then we wouldn’t sit in regret. We would recognize that we manifested exactly what we wanted at that time. Perhaps it didn’t work out the way we also wanted. As I think about this it brings up a lot that I have had regrets over that I know have healed over the years. My second marriage was a great regret of mine for a long time. I thought long and hard about how quickly we married, within the year we met. I thought long and hard about the little flags I ignored, the little things that occurred. I thought long and hard about how easy it was to pick him up and put him in my life and how resentful he became. I thought long and hard on how easy it was for him to spend my money. Yes I called it my money, I made quadruple what he made and he loved that. I regret that I gave him as much as I did.
As I began to heal from my wounds, both the long standing depressive issues and the wounds of being cheated on and left, again, I believed that these regrets were normal. I should feel them. (Ahh the word should is one I have finally removed from my lexicon, do or do not, there is no should!) Over time I realized that regretting all of that made me a victim of my circumstance. I didn’t want to be a victim, feeling all of that apathy and self-hatred. I am not a victim, I am someone who loved, trusted and gave it my all. My all, even as broken as I was I gave it my all. Why regret that I gave someone love? Why regret that I did get exactly what I wanted for a while? I wanted a love that was all for me. I wanted a partner in my life. I wanted kids to help raise. I wanted all that I received.
Of course I didn’t want the hurt and the lies. That was his, not mine. But that hurt and those lies brought me to my knees. That forced me to look within at my own wounds. And I healed after that. That healing was exactly what I wanted at that time. I did not like feeling broken, making fun of my cracks so nobody else would. I did not like hating myself and I thinking everyone hated themselves and me. I did not like feeling like I was alone in the world without anyone having my back. I learned I’m not, I have faith that the Universe always has my back. I have faith that a higher power always has my back. I have faith that my closest friends and family have my back.
Regretting something that you wanted doesn’t makes sense. Of course it did not go on the way I had wanted, but for a number of years it was what I wanted, so why have regrets?
Once again, if we look at life through either fear or love, regret comes from fear. Moving to love, we can look back on times in our life and figure out where it took us. We can look back and relish in the moments that we loved then and then realize that it was for that moment, for that healing, for that break down. It was a necessary part of our journey.
As I sit on the precipice of the next decade of life, I find fewer and fewer regrets. Each moment led to another moment and those have strung together a life that I now love. Are there moments in my life that I wish I had behaved differently or said something different? Of course. But sitting in regret keeps me in victim mode. I am nobody’s victim. Time spent with the wrong person only enhances the time spent with the right people.
No Regrets. It was exactly what I wanted at that time in my life.