Reverse kryptonite

Whenever in doubt, Suzy, claim it all—the good, the bad and the ugly—and your power will be restored…Like reverse kryptonite.        

                The Universe


I receive an email each day from The Universe. It is a service that a friend of mine told me about. It gives encouragement, big things to think about and most of all hope. Hope that this journey is on the right path. Hope that today is better than yesterday. Hope that I am stronger than I think. Hope that I am heading where I believe and I believe in where I’m heading.

Some days it brings a smile to my face. Some days it brings a tear to my eye. Some days it causes me to stop in my tracks and think “wow, I needed that today!” And some days I have no idea what it means but I read it and think about it and hope.

This particular note from the universe was one that made me stop and think. I have a good friend who always tells me that he admires that “own my shit.” I have thought a lot about that comment over the last year. I work hard at not placing blame everywhere else but really thinking about my part in something. I work a lot on who I am, who I want to be and what has gotten in the way over the years…the good, the bad and the ugly. And there has been a lot of all of it!

And when I didn’t own it, when I did place blame or when I ignored the growth, the lesson or even the journey, my power was diminished. I remember at one very low moment in my life, laying in the fetal position on my bed and crying for what felt like days. I believe it was hours. I was at my lowest. Everything was wrong in my eyes and I felt helpless. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move forward, couldn’t forgive and most of all wouldn’t take any responsibility for anything. I was a victim. It was all happening to me.

It took a while to finally realize that I wasn’t helpless. I was powerless because I was allowing me to be powerless. I didn’t own anything. It was everyone and everything else doing this to me. During times like these you need people around you who love you and care for you and are there for you. I have a circle that has been for the most part. However at this time that I am speaking , one firend who I thought was there for me actually said some very hurtful things to me. She reinforced some of the things that my partner said, which wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that he was wrong, that I was not. I did not want to hear how tough I can be and how difficult I could be. At that moment, I didn’t own my shit, and I thought she was just being mean. I quietly held that against her for a while and didn’t allow myself to get to close for a while.

Years later I realize that her comments, although I still think misplaced in terms of timing, were what pushed me to look at me through this time. I finally owned some of my behavior. I finally began to own my ugly. So as disappointed as I was in her that day, it did force me to move forward and begin to claim my power back.

I now am grateful for her words and the fact that the mirror was placed in front of me. It helped me to begin the journey of healing that I needed.

That journey has been like reverse kryptonite once I owned it all…the good, the bad and the ugly. I also don’t take on others bad and ugly, which I used to do. That has been part of my power, I know what is mine to take on and what is not.

Our power is our source of healing, self- reflection, fortitude and most of all, helps us follow our dreams. Own it all. Own the ugly. Look it in the eye, stare it down and realize that you have the power to move forward from it and change.

Whenever in doubt, claim it all – like reverse kryptonite!

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