Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs. All having to do with love. In some cases, you could consider romantic love, and with others, it is very broad. It is more about approaching life from a place of love. All of the many signs felt right about self-love.  It felt different than a few years ago. Then self-love was lacking, I thought I was not lovable. So, the signs felt more like gearing to letting go of that thought. Now it feels as if they are reminders to continue to practice all the self -love and share my heart more.  My heart is still tentative, so I talk myself out of everything.

Being hurt again in the last few years, my heart is more fragile than it has ever been. Why allow for that again? It seems easier to kind of lock myself away with my dog and cat. It feels safer. I avoid getting hurt. Of course, in reality I hurt myself. Sitting home, with nothing to really do is not living the life I want to live. I get out from time to time, which is great. But there are weeks where the only interaction outside of the house is the gym.

This extravert had completely retreated. I texted more than called. I stayed home most nights, said no to doing things. I chose not to share my deepest feelings with anyone, although I know many knew that I was retreating. I needed to just heal my heart again with resolve to never let it get this hurt again.  I was hurting from a few situations, the biggest impact from unrequited love.

I intellectually know I can’t stop from getting hurt. I want to live my life fully and that means loving and not always getting that back, from anyone.  I am in my life 100%, enjoying it, finding joy, growing.

I also know that I want romantic love in my life. Taking any steps toward finding ways to meet people is really hard for me. I am trying to surrender it all to the universe and not control everything, but I still have to leave the house and go places to meet people. I have to continue with my self-care/self-love, maintaining the positive mindset that I now possess. This is my work, this is my preparation.

All of these signs make me believe that maybe now is the time. I fully released all of the hurt during my new year’s purge and have felt really good since then. I feel as if I finally released all of the negative energy around what I had hoped and expected. I released the hurt and anger, I replaced them with indifference. My growth will be in moving from indifference to compassion.

I am not there as of yet, I am moving in that direction though. I feel different and see these signs as my GPS. I need to follow where they guide me.


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