In all hero journeys, the road is never straight. The entire idea behind the hero’s journey is that the road turns, twists, detours, breaks and then the hero transforms, has their epiphany and the lesson of the journey is told. The purpose of the journey is to create this change in the person. Think of some of the stories we adore and what occurs. The hero goes through something that ultimately changes them, teaching them a great lesson and allowing them to transform to the person we all want them to be! In the Wizard of Oz, for example, Dorothy is running away. She doesn’t think anyone at home really cares anymore about her or Toto. Her preconceived straight road of “stay in Kansas, on the farm” had a turn in it, a detour. She no longer felt safe on the straight road and wanted to leave and change her future. What a detour she has! Then the epiphany of “there’s no place like home.” But her return to the road shows a changed Dorothy, a transformed Dorothy. She took twists and turns, the road bent and really was broken for a bit. She never thought she would get home, she would never get what she wanted. Her heart was transformed, she realized how much love and gratitude she had for her life and her family. She became who she was meant to be at that time.
During the past few months, this concept of a broken road has been on my mind. A friend of mine was talking about her marriage and how the road to get there was not a straight line. There were bumps and twists and detours along the way. It persevered as they were both patient, transforming, letting things unfold the way they were meant. She is as much of a control person as I and said the hardest part was not forcing things. Work on what you do control, which is you and how you show up, react. Work on the relationship or whatever it is on the road you need to work on, but don’t be attached to how things happen or where the road finally takes you.
Her wisdom is what I am bringing into 2019 to help me Ask, Believe, Receive. It is allowing me to not look at things that I want as impossible, over, never happening, or other negative emotions and outcome due to the road bending or the detour I have hit. It is helping me focus on the journey versus the destination and enjoy the moment more, being more present. It is allowing me to better understand what work I need to do to be a better partner, business woman, coach, person. And, the lessons that I learn are right in front of me, not hidden, but purposeful, allowing me to see the possibilities, the opportunities.
My control is only on me, how I behave, how I interpret, how I react. That is the work I get to do as this road moves and bends. I am focused right now on how I react to things that occur. I have, under stress, generally vacillated between victim and anger in the past. This has effected many a relationship. I have taken things overly personal, assumed the worst, and acted accordingly (as a child!). In my head I would hear, “this is because you aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, don’t play the game well enough, etc…” All those negative thoughts about myself came up. This is all the victim talk for me, I am at the mercy of all around me, they are all doing this to hurt me because I am not good enough. Then once I get good and pissed about that, my anger comes out. “How dare you treat me that way!?” And then my fowl mouth would take over and I can eviscerate someone pretty quickly
I have spent some time working on this reaction and still get triggered at times. That gremlin of not being good enough is something that I have been focused on during the last year. Through the lessons on judgement that I spent learning through 2018, I no longer allow that gremlin to have such a hold on me. That is now allowing me to change how I react. I still get triggered from time to time, especially by one or two people, but I continue to work on this. I am keeping in my mind that is the lesson and I stay focused on learning it. This is why the road bent, twisted and perhaps broke for a while.
As I move forward and Ask, Believe and Receive, this is the work I am doing to prepare myself. I am focused on my belief in myself not questioning my ability, or whether I am enough. I am focused on not taking things so personally and understanding versus blaming. I am focused on listening to my intuition and not others opinions. I am focused on not getting angry but coming at things from a place of compassion. And in watching the road bend and twist, having faith that were it ends up is where I am supposed to be.
For a control freak like me, this is all a bit overwhelming. But as one good friend once told me, “control is a illusion.” The broken road is going to lead where it wants, let’s enjoy the ride!