I woke up excited about the day! I knew by evening I would be in Chicago for my BadAss Jam Session retreat! I was looking forward to taking time to really focus on my vision for 2015. What was I going to do to continue my healing, my journey, my purpose driven life? How was my journey going to unfold this year and what impact did I want to make?
2014 was a tremendous growth year for me. As I spent some time closing it out I realized that the year was wonderful in so many ways! I upped my game at work, I began to focus on my passion of writing, I was mentoring some women who sought me out or who were referred to me. I released some anger and really focused on positive self- talk and making decisions with an open heart. I was pleasantly surprised to really enjoy the new challenge at work and felt like I really came into my own even more this year. I developed some incredible relationships in a short amount of time and feel closer to some people who I have just met than to people who knew the old Suzy. Not everyone knows the same version of me. In an earlier post I spoke about my journey and how I really saw evidence this year that what you put out, you receive. The power of that has been incredible for me. But growth is continual and new lessons and new healings will occur.
This weekend was no different. When I got out of bed on Friday, I could barely put weight on my right foot, the ankle felt like it would give out or crack. It was swollen and truly hurt. I still have no idea how this injury occurred but I certainly can now understand some of what this injury afforded me, or perhaps even taught me.
I know that some people accept the concept that body aches and issues are manifested in your emotions, in what you need to release or deal with. Some may not but you still may see the lesson that this ankle injury taught me because of the time and focus it created. My cousin is an energy and intuitive healer. She is my guide on many of these issues. I texted her as soon as I woke up, simply saying “right ankle?” and the response was “ankle means inflexibility and guilt, inability to receive pleasure. The right side is usually men and business.” I’m screwed I thought. I am surrounded by men in business and was being inflexible on something! But I didn’t feel guilty. And then she sent one last text, “It is making you slow down and feel and that is good.” Yes. It was going to do that. It was going to force me to think about receiving help, of feeling.
She was so right. I was extremely emotional at the retreat. I allowed myself to really feel what was happening around me. I was realizing that I needed to let go of old patterns of behavior that no longer serve me. I recognized that I need to ask for help instead of being stubborn or a hero. I always have been the strong one. As my family was dealing with the death of my brother my mother’s words to me echoed in my mind, “You are my strongest child and I need you to get this family through this.” And so I have been the strong one, the fixer. I need to be open to receive what people may want to give to me. I realized that this injury forced me to ask for help, to be vulnerable, to tell someone exactly what I needed. It forced me to take care of me first.
And that is what I did. I stayed in and iced my leg. I asked for help in the airports. I listened to what people suggested or said to me. I let people take care of me. I opened myself to receive. That was a big step for me. It aligns perfectly with my moves and focus for 2015, to surrender past patterns and open myself to receive! 2015 is another year of growth, healing and living! Whether divine intervention or just allowing me time to think and be, the injury to my ankle afforded me growth, a lesson I will carry forward.