Facing the truth is not always easy. In fact it rarely is easy if you have been lying to yourself or telling yourself a story for a long time. Sometimes the truth hurts so much that you fear it….fear the emotion attached to it.
So what is truth? How do you know the truth? Some truths are easy, look at a birth certificate and you know your true age. Walk outside and feel a raindrop and know that it is raining; fact, truth. But many truths are based on actions and words meshing. Many times we must rely on others for truth. Or we have to stop telling ourselves the story and realize what the truth truly is, by understanding behavior, listening to words and watching action.
Many people seem overly reliant on social media for truth. I observe people jumping on bandwagons, believing everything they read, assuming that it is truth. Then there are the cynics, looking things up on websites that they believe tell them what is true and what is not. How do they know that the website is truthful? People believe photos are truthful. Yet we also know that many are photoshopped, airbrushed and created. So what is truthful?
I am finding that I have been telling myself untruths, and stories for a long time. Often, we create stories in our minds based upon something someone has done or said. We make assumptions that we believe are truths versus really understanding the truth.
I was re-reading some old journals from a time when I was “friends” with someone and of course I was hoping for more. Everything this individual did or said I used to create my story. If he called a lot and wanted to hang out a lot, then I thought he must be interested. When I didn’t hear from him for a while then I assumed he must not be interested. If I spent time with him only when I was giving him something whether it be money or time, then I assumed he was using me. I read a roller coaster ride of emotions and truths. I was up and down focused only on his next move. It took a few years of this for me to finally recognize that he was a friend that was never going to be more. It took a while for me to realize all of my stories I was creating as truths versus the real truth; created by his actions more than words.
I have realized that this has been a pattern for me over the years. Making assumptions as truth based upon words versus actions and behaviors. You would think as a Psychology major and a fairly intelligent street smart woman I would have figured that out a long time ago. But I am easily swayed by a gesture, a fantasy of Prince Charming whisking me off into the sunset for the Happily Ever After I have always dreamed of. I guess those fairy tales of childhood are still somewhat cemented in my head as the way life is supposed to be!
To break the pattern I am focusing on truth. Truth by action and behavior and less about words. I am focused on listening to myself when I start to tell the story and reminding me that I need fact not assumptions for the story to hold. This isn’t just about romance, it is about every day living. I found that I told myself stories no matter what the issue was and then held it as truth.
These stories can become truths if you listen to them long enough. That is a pattern I am working to break. I am focused on asking myself questions about what I am believing. How is it truthful versus a story I am creating in my mind? I am paying closer attention to action and behavior.
I have a wild imagination and that has allowed me to tell myself a lot of stories over the years. I am working hard at quelling those stories when they begin and focusing my mind on what is the truth. If I am unsure of the truth then I try to just let things be. The truth somehow comes through when I just let things be.
I still fantasize that the fairy tale will happen. I guess that story just won’t go away yet!
Honey, I hope that fairy tale happens for us both.
Suzy – wow, just wow. So so beautifully written and it really and truly spoke to me.
Thank you for speaking my truth.