“Stop watering things that were never meant to grow in your life. Water what works, what’s good, what’s right. Stop playing around with those dead bones and stuff you can’t fix…it’s over…leave it alone! You’re coming into a season of greatness. If you water what’s alive and divine, you will see harvest like you’ve never seen before. Stop wasting water on dead issues, dead relationships, dead people, a dead past. No matter how much you water concrete, you can’t grow a garden.” ~ TD Jakes
How many times do we water dead issues, dead relationships, dead pasts! I know I do. I lament often. I try to reconnect with people often. I have hung on to many relationships way past their end, hoping that something will change. Hoping that the person will feel what I feel and want the relationship. I am not just focusing on intimate love relationships, although I have hung onto many of them far too long. I am talking of all relationships.
Very often I have found myself the one doing the chasing. I have chased love, I have chased friendship, I have chased family! And very often I am the one making the sacrifices for those relationships. Changing plans to ensure that I see people because I think I want them back into my life when many of them would never do the same thing for me.
I am getting better at that now. I don’t chase the way I once did. The people who are in my life and play a meaningful part of my life aren’t chased. They don’t need to be. The ones who never seem to make time for me, who aren’t there when I need them, I am beginning to walk away from. I am beginning to stop reaching out. It isn’t that I am angry or no longer care for them, but I finally care for me. I finally realize my worth. And as TD Jakes says above, watering concrete will not grow a garden.
I know everyone is so different and reacts differently to issues. There are those who do walk away from dead issues and dead relationships and take them as they are. They move on more quickly and water only where there is growth, where there is life. Then there are those more like me. Continue to beat the issue and try to figure out how to make it alive again. Was it ever alive? Was it ever right for you? Or perhaps that relationship no longer serves its purpose in your life. It was there for a season or reason and that has now past. That is what I am starting to realize. The universe really does know what is good for you and what is not. Too often we get stuck because of memories of the good. They are there, but are they enough?
Cultivating the relationships that have meaning in my life will create the garden that I strive for. And that is where I am focused more now, far less on the past hurts and the past memories. I still have all the after effects of those bad relationships. In love it is about having someone be my champion without asking for anything in return. I have had too many relationships where people judged me, expected too much in return for just encouraging me as if that was special. Encouraging someone you love, isn’t that table stakes for a relationship? In friendships, it is being there when needed. It is lending an ear when needed without assuming there is something in return. It is being able to vent without being judged. It is about love and laughter and fun. It is about caring and helping and just sitting side by side and listening.
I have found that I do reach out less. Now, I’m not sure that is in line with “watering what is alive and divine!” So I guess I should re-think that a little. Perhaps it isn’t about reaching out less it is about who I reach out to. I want those in my life who do not judge me but love me for me, accept me for me and want to grow that garden with me.
The past should stay buried in the past. Look at it. Take what was good from it, take the lesson it was to teach and then bury it. Bury it deep in that garden, throw some dirt on there, and plant some flowers. Cultivate the garden that is meant to be in your life!