Works in Progress

The month of January is not always loved by people. In the northeast and northern states it is cold, blustery and perhaps snowy. In the south it is filled with snowbirds who run away to settle in the warmth. It is the beginning of those darn resolutions that people create where there going to do so much, and then quit when they don’t see immediate results. It is a time when the gluttony of the holidays is over and that may take some back to reducing spending, focusing on their new goals of what they want to buy this year. For some, it is just another month in the calendar, ho-hum.

For me, it becomes the time when I do more reflecting. It becomes a time when I’m inside more, in my house more and alone more. This allows me reflecting, re-imagining and perhaps the beginning of re-birthing dreams. This is when I spend a lot of time focused on what got in my way last year and what do I want to release this year.

Releasing feelings, releasing patterns of behavior, releasing relationships; all part of my way to improve, change, and be a better version of me each year. I love this journey of life and the way you can change to meet your next challenge. I love becoming more me and no longer the stories that have held me back. I watch so many around me stay the same, think they are their stories and I know that is not for me. I like to learn, grow, change and become. Everyone has their own journey, mine is definitely about growth and change.

As I have gotten clearer on where I want to be and what I want to manifest, I have also gotten clearer on what has stood in my way. Often that is my own thinking, my own feelings and perhaps one or two relationships that I relied on for too much. Figuring that out takes some time. It takes being honest and vulnerable with yourself. It takes really looking in the mirror and being clear on what beliefs are holding you back; what fears are holding you back.

As I watched the sun rise from my bed this morning, some things truly crystallized for me. Releasing expectations of others was something I worked on during 2020. However, I see now that I still have some expectations lingering. No longer having anyone to really rely on in life with my dad gone put this front and center for me. I cannot have expectations of others, I can only rely on me. That doesn’t mean I won’t ask for help, I know I have to continue to do that when I need it. It does mean that I am traveling this road alone and I cannot expect anyone to do the things I would do. Everyone has their families, I do not, so my expectations need to be tempered. My expectations of me need to be tempered as well. I got a lot better with that during 2020. I no longer expect perfection which I once did. I focus on progress. Progress in what I learn, progress in my consciousness, progress in my lack of judging others, progress in my focus on love and service.

Releasing anger and frustration came to me this morning as well. I don’t like the version of me that allows my frustration to get the best of me. That is my work in progress. I read recently that watching a parent who doesn’t modulate their emotions well can teach you or cause you as an adult to not always have self-soothing and calming mechanisms; can cause unhealthy habits; and a lack of vulnerability. My mom definitely struggled with her emotions at times and I see that my way of soothing myself was either to blow up and get it over with or use food as a calming mechanism. Releasing these unhealthy habits by learning other ways to calm and sooth such as meditation, reiki, and writing is a work in progress.

Lastly I continue to look at relationships that do not bring out the best in me. These toxic people or toxic relationships should be released once and for all. Being truthful about the relationship with ourselves is the first step. As someone said to me recently, you don’t have to be friends for life. Removing that toxicity is healthy.

The month of January is a great time for reflection as we begin anew. Focus on what may hold you back from being the “you” you want to be, you are meant to be.

We are all works in progress.

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